Irish Friday Funnies

The Irish are the butt of many a joke. However, as some of the funniest people around, they’re more than happy to laugh at themselves.

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink.

He said, “If you continue drinking as you do, you’ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you’ll turn into a mouse.”

This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night and said to his wife, “Bridget….if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?”

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“Hey,” said a new arrival in the pub, “I’ve got some great Irish jokes.”

“Before you start,” said the big bloke in the corner, “I’m Irish.”

“Don’t worry,” said the newcomer, “I’ll tell them slowly.”

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Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engine plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the captain’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Ladies and gentlemen, one of the engines appears to have failed. There’s nothing to worry about but we will be 15 minutes late landing at Dublin.”

Five minutes later he said, “Nothing to worry about, ladies and gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and we will now be an hour late.”

A moment later, “Er…sorry about this ladies and gentlemen, but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will now be two hours later than expected.”

One of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. “Good heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine fails, we’ll be here all night ?”

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Finnegan’s wife had been killed in an accident and the police were holding him for questioning.

“Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant.

“She spoke without interruption for about forty years,” said the Irishman.

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