Knights of the round table

A knight and his footmen were holding a castle during a war.
One of the footmen guarding the gatehouse calls out: “Sire, we can see a battalion approaching in the distance.”
The knight orders the men into defensive positions and rushes up the wall to where the footman points at the distant mass of men.
“What do you think, friends or foe?” the knight asks.
“I think they’re friends, sire,” answers the footman.
“What makes you think that?” the knight asks.
“Well, they wouldn’t be huddling together like that if they hated each other.”


What do you call a knight who’s really dubious?
Sir Spishus.


What do you call a knight who likes to party?
Sir Dancelot.


A bishop, a knight, and queen are leaving a bar.
The bartender says: “Can I get you anything else?” The queen replies: “Just the check, mate.”


Why do they call it the Dark Ages?
Because of all the knights.


What do you call a knight in a village full of cannibals?
Canned food.


I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn’t realise nuns did that, too, until I became one.
I was Nun the Wiser.


What did the blacksmith say to the knight when he delivered his new armour?
“You’ve got mail.”


What do you call a group of singing knights in training?
A schoir.


A knight comes to the royal castle with a large bag slung over his shoulder.
He stands before the king and says: “Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here is the head of the dragon.” He removes the head of the dragon from the bag.
The king replies: “Well then, I have kept my word too,” and he pulls out a much smaller bag from under this thrown: “Here is the hand of the princess.”


Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped off?
He’d been unarmed and defeated.

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Written by Liv Gardiner


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