Light hearted jokes

A woman walks into her local Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids.

”WOW,” the clerk exclaims, “are they all yours?”
”Yep they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, “Sit down Ashleigh.” All the children rush to find seats. “Well,” says the clerk, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your childrens’ names.”

”Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Ashley and the girls are all named Ashleigh.”

In disbelief, the case worker. “Are you serious?”

”They’re ALL named Ashley?”
Their mother replied, “Well, yes-it makes it easier.”

”When it’s time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Ashley!’ and’ when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Ashley!’ and they all come a running. And if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell ‘Ashley’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Ashley.’

The clerk thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”
”Then I call them by their LAST names.”

Click NEXT to find out how the Husband Store works, and why kids are smarter than teachers

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Sydney, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

Click NEXT to find out why kids are smarter than teachers Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

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