There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

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Punctuation Parable

Dear John,

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours?

Gloria

Dear John,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours,

Gloria

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How to Write Good

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. A writer must not shift your point of view.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

7. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

8. Be more or less specific.

9. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

10. Who needs rhetorical questions?

11. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

12. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with full stop

13. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

14. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

15. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!