Mans best friend

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had  been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.  It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like  mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’ 

‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.

‘Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.

‘Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’ The man gestured, and the gate began to open. 

‘Can my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.

‘I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.’ The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. 

‘Excuse me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’

‘Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’

‘How about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.

‘There should be a bowl by the pump,’ said the man.

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. 

‘What do you call this place?’ the traveler asked. 

‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.

‘Well, that’s confusing,’ the traveller said.

‘The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.’

‘Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s Hell.’

‘Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?’

‘No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.’  


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  1. How does Moses make his tea?  Hebrews it…
  2. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
  3. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
  4. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  5. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
  6. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  7. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
  8. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
  9. I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
  10. Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
  11. I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
  12. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
  13. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
  14. When chemists die, apparently they barium.
  15. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
  16. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  17. I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  18. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
  19. When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
  20. Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
  21. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  22. I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
  23. All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
  24. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  25. Velcro – what a rip off! 

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The Grand Budapest Hotel

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