Negative nancy

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable…

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

” Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty.. You’re crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser.. ” That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?”

“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.”

“Don’t go any further.. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”

“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was over booked, and they bumped us up to first class.. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were over booked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”

“Oh, really! What did he say?”

He said: “Who the hell did your hair?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have become quite a frivolous old gal. I’m seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I awake, Will Power helps me out of bed.

When he leaves I go see John.

Then Charley Horse comes along and when he is here, he takes a lot of my attention.

When he leaves, Art Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day.

He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long so he takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, I’m really tired and ready to go to bed with Ben Gay.

What a day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s

a ‘peel and win’ sticker on

her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts

screaming, ‘I’ve won a motorhome!

I’ve won a motorhome!’

The waitress says, ‘That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch.’

But the blonde keeps on screaming, I’ve won a motorhome! I’ve won a motorhome!’

Finally, the manager comes over and says, ‘Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken.

You couldn’t have possibly won a motorhome because we didn’t have that as a prize.’

The blonde says, ‘No, it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motorhome!’ And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads…

‘W I N A B A G E L’

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