Why I mow my own lawn: a true story
One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas, mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, “Excuse me, do you speak English?”
Lee responded, “Yes Ma’am, I do.”
The lady then asked, “What do you charge to do yard work?”
Lee said, “Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her.”
The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.
No one believes seniors anymore
No one believes seniors anymore – everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved ‘I love you, Sally’.
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money – $50,000!
Jerry said, “We’ve got to give it back.”
Sally said, “Finders keepers.”
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?”
Sally said, “No.”
Jerry said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”
The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him. One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”
Jerry said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday…”
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”