October Joke-Fest

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their trolleys around the supermarket when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, “That’s okay. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

The old guy says, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, “Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”

The old guy says, “Doesn’t matter — let’s look for yours.”

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I was having trouble with my computer . . . . . so I called David, the 11 yr old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

David clicked a couple of buttons, and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, ”So what was wrong?”

He replied, “It was an ID ten T error”.

I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless enquired, “An ID ten T error? What’s that, in case I need to fix it again.”

David grinned. “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

“No”, I replied.

“Write it down”, he said, “and I think you will figure it out”.

So I wrote down — I D I O T

I used to like the little kid!”

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These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA )
A:Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific, which does not… Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do…

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

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