Funny Funnies hits the office

With thousands of people gradually returning to the office, pack these jokes to lighten your day.

•••

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes, sir,” the new recruit replied.

“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

•••

Murphy’s Law at work
Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous’.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

No-one gets sick on Wednesdays.

Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

•••

I just knew I was in big trouble at work when …
… the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.

… the security guard made a complete inventory of my work area.

… the human resources department requested an update of my arrest record.

… the boss asked if I still had a copy of my five-year contract.

… I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I arrived at work.

… my parking spot was relocated next to the dumpster.

… my secretary says things like, “Get the phone, my nails aren’t dry.”

… three people began helping me write a ‘desk manual’ for my job.

… a large paper recycling box was placed next to my filing cabinets.

… I turn up hungover and shirtless. I had a black eye and bloody knuckles. I was in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

Read more than 200 Funnies on our Jokes page.



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