With just four days until Christmas, we thought you might need a little jollying to get you over the line. Remember, stay calm – and laugh.
Q: How do elves greet each other?
A: “Small world, isn’t it?”
Q: Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks.
Q: What nerve is used to sense elves?
A: The Elfactory Nerve!
Q: Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
A: Because he is an elf-made man.
Q: What’s another name for Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.
A multinational company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that his or her glass contained a fly.
The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two-thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman.
The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, “Now spit out all that you swallowed.”
The four stages of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You dress up as Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus
Q: What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?
A: You do all the work and the big guy with the suit gets all the credit.