A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, “Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!”
She yells, “Whose Jimmy Poole?”
This kid in the back stands up and says, “I’m Jimmy Poole.”
“Well, Jimmy, your staying after school!”
The very next day when the substitute teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard and written on it, it says, “PAYS to ADVERTISE.”
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Australian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”
“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man.”
When the Australian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”
“Once,” he replied.
“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?”
There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,”If you fix our car we will do anything you want.”
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, “How could we ever repay you Mr.”
After thinking for a short while he replied,”Could you hold my camel?”
Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!”
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, “My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!”
And the woman was thinking to herself, “My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!”
A man and his wife are doing gardening work. Husband says to wife, “Your backside is as wide as the BBQ.” She ignores the remark.
A little later the husband takes his measuring tape and goes over to his wife while she is bending over working in a flower bed. He measures her rear end and gasps, “Geez, it IS as wide as the BBQ!”
Later that night while in bed her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, “If you think I’m going to fire up the BBQ for one little snag, you ARE mistaken.”