Tech Jokes

Cars vs Computers

At a recent expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal.”

General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the Statement “Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?”

Here are a few reasons to be glad the automotive industry hasn’t kept up with the computer industry!

1. Every time you wanted to drive on a different road, you would have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a common maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.

4. Traffic jams would be known as lag, and you’d accept them as well.

5. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought “Car95” or “CarNT”. But, then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that came fully loaded with optional equipment, was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would do no advertising and have no dealerships

7. Every now and then, a Cray car would blow past doing about 1000 times your speed – and God help you if you were in the fast lane.

8. Buying a new set of tires would also require one to buy multiple other accessories or the car wouldn’t run properly.

9. The airbag system would say “are you sure?” before going off.

10. The resale value would drop 75% as soon as you drove out of the showroom and would be $0.00 within two years – trade ins, forget about it!

11. For service you would have to call a toll free number and select the proper number for the repair you wish to have done. An automated voice would walk you through the step to repair the car yourself and when that didn’t work refer you to the company that sold the gas for the car.

12. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single “general car default” warning light which would come on only when it was too late to fix the problem.

Computer Problem Report Form

1. Describe your problem: _________________________________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately: __________________________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: _______________________________________________

4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C. Minor__ D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__ B. Frozen__ C. Hung__ D. Strange Smell__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you had “a friend” who “Knows all about computers” try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe__ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself. ________________________________

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred? _____________________

l8. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in? _______________________________

l9. Are you sure you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR?__

21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__

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