The Dog’s New Year’s resolutions

The Dog is going to be a better four-legged friend this year, but which behaviors is he resolving to change? Find out with this funny list.

1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

2. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus, and I am from Mars.

3. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

4. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

4. Call RSPCA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

5. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

6. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is too much.

7. 1 January: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! 2 January to 31 December: Re-live victory over the sock.

8. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.