The silent clap

At a recent concert in Scotland, Bono, the lead singer of the rock band U2 asked the audience for total quiet.

In the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence he said ‘Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.’

From the front of the crowd a voice pierced the quiet… ‘Well then stop clapping you evil bastard!’

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A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

“What’s the matter?” he asks.
“I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice.

“What the hell is anal glaucoma?”
“I can’t see my arse coming into work today.”

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A preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.”   

With that, a man got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “Andy, what do you want me to pray about for you?”

Andy replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.”

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Andy’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Andy’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.  

He prayed to the ‘Almighty’ for Andy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
“Andy, how is your hearing now?”
 
Andy answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til next week!”

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