Three Funnies for Friday

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.

We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a Policeman writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, ‘Come on, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for

having worn tyres.

So my wife called him a s***-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket… This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn’t care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age.

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Clever notices

Sign over a Gynaecologist’s Office:

“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist’s office:

“Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

On a Plumber’s truck:

“We repair what your husband fixed.”

At a Tyre Store

“Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician’s truck:

“Let us remove your shorts.”

Outside a Car Exhaust Store:

“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

RADIATOR SHOP:

“Best place in town to take a leak.”

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We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, ‘He’s just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.’

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. ‘Sorry I took so long,’ I said, as we drove away. ‘That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!’

The cab driver hit a parked car.

Read more than 200 Funnies on our Jokes page.



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