Toilet humour

You’re never too mature to enjoy toilet humour. Let your inner child out and have a giggle over these silly – and somewhat revolting – toilet jokes.

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I farted at work the other day and my co-worker started trying to open the window.
It must have been a really bad one – we work in a submarine.

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An old married couple are in church on a Sunday morning when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
The husband turns to her and says, “Replace the batteries in your hearing aid.”

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Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.

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What do starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle Ur-anus looking for Kling-Ons!

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This morning I was buttoning up my shirt a button fell off. When I reached for my briefcase, the handle fell off. Then, when I tried to open the front door the doorknob fell off. Now I’m afraid to pee.

•••

Why is everyone stockpiling toilet paper because of coronavirus?
I didn’t realise sneezing made you poo your pants.

•••

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message. She wrote, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
Her husband texted back, “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”

•••

Why doesn’t Chuck Norris need to flush the toilet?
He scares the sh*t out of it!

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Why did the policeman sit on the toilet?
To do his duty.

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I was at a fancy dinner party the other day, when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!”
I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was her turn next.”

•••

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.

•••

The toilet said, “I’m sick of taking everyone’s crap!”
The urinal replied, “Yes, but it’s better to be pissed off than pissed in!”

•••

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

Did we forget any terrible toilet jokes? Share your favourites in the comment section below. 

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Written by Liv Gardiner

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