A distraught husband is filing a report on his missing wife:
Husband: I lost my wife (Misty), she went shopping and still has not reached home yet.
Inspector: What is her height?
Husband: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Husband: Not slim, can be healthy.
Inspector: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Inspector: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes according to the season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Pantsuit or dress…I don’t remember exactly.
Inspector: Was she going in a car?
Inspector: Tell me the number, name and colour of the car?
Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.
And then the husband started crying…
Inspector: Don’t worry sir, we will find your car…
Click NEXT for another Friday Funny
School 1945 vs. 2014
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school.
1945 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.
2014 – Police called, and they arrest Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months. School governors hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programs.
Scenario: Robbie won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1945 – Robbie sent to the office and given six of the best by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2014 – Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADHD – result deemed to be positive. Robbie’s parents get fortnightly disability payments and school gets extra funding from government because Robbie has a disability.
Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1945 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2014 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care; joins a gang; ends up in jail.
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1945 – Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with. Passes exams, becomes a solicitor.
2014 – Police called, car searched for drugs and weapons. Mark expelled from school for drug taking. Ends up as a drop out.
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover fireworks from Cracker night, puts them in a paint tin & blows up a wasp’s nest.
1945 – Wasps die.
2014 – Police & Anti-Terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly in an airplane again.