Why bartenders beat psychologists

Ever since Tom was a child he had always had a fear of someone under his bed at night. So he went to a psychologist and told him: “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under my bed! I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year”, said the psychologist. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?” asked Tom

“Eighty dollars per visit”, replied the doctor.

“I’ll sleep on it”, Tom said.

Six months later Tom ran into the psychologist on the street.

“Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked Tom.

“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.” Replied Tom.

“Is that so? The psychologist replied with a bit of an attitude, “and how, may I ask, did bartender cure you?”

Tom answered “He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

The value of a pencil

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School.

Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

‘Tell me Susie, who created the universe?’

When Susie didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

‘God Almighty!’ shouted Susie.

The Nun said, ‘Very good’ and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Susie, ‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’

But Susie didn’t stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

‘Jesus Christ!!!’ shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, ‘Very good,’ and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question…’What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted,

‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in


The nun fainted.