I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I will soon turn 65).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking her, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’
She asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?’
‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’
Then she asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’
I said, ‘Not much… My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’
‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’
‘No, I don’t,’ I said.
She asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’
‘No,’ I said.
She looked at me and said… ‘Then, why do you even give a shit?’
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a
couple in bed.
He orders the man out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the
home owner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her
neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife ‘Listen, this
guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of
time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells
you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously
very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey, I
His wife responds ‘He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you