Don’t we know it. Christmas is around the corner and we are all wondering, again, how it crept up on us so quickly. If you are the type who throws yourself into the festive season with fervour, you are probably stressing about how you will get through your To Do list over the next couple of weeks.
So, just for you, we are going to jolly things up a little today with a collection of Christmas jokes put together by desperatepreacher.com.
Cryptic Christmas card
A man sent his friend a cryptic Christmas card. It said: A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. The recipient puzzled over it for weeks, finally gave up and wrote asking for an explanation. Shortly after, he received the explanation on a postcard: ‘No L’.
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked the usual: “And what would you like for Christmas?”
The child stared at him open-mouthed, horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn't you get my e-mail?”
The Virgin birth
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor and explains to him: “My daughter, Darla, keeps getting these cravings; she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”
The doctor examines Darla thoroughly, then turns to the mother and says: “Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant. About four months would be my guess.”
The mother exclaims: “Pregnant?! She can't be, she’s never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?”
Darla replies: “No, mother! Never!”
The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally, the mother asks: “Is there something wrong out there, doctor?”
The doctor responds: “No, not really. It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!”
At Sunday school, the younger children were drawing pictures illustrating Biblical stories. The teacher walked by and noticed one little boy was drawing an airplane.
“Oh, what Bible story are you drawing?” she asked him.
“This is the Flight into Egypt,” he answered. “See, here is Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. And this,” he said pointing to the front of the plane, “is Pontius. He's the Pilot.”
Shout and a prayer
Two brothers were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas. At bedtime, they knelt beside their beds to say their prayers. The older one began praying at the top of his lungs:
“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE ... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO.”
His younger brother leaned over and asked: “Why are you shouting? God isn't deaf.”
The older one responded: “No, but Grandma is!”
Who is the real virgin?
A 10-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking: “Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”
Ho, ho ho! Do you know of any rib-tickling Christmas jokes?
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