How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

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Q. How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
A. “You are fine, how am I?”

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but it really has to want to change.

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it takes five sessions.

•••

A man goes to the psychiatrist wearing shorts made of clear plastic wrap. The psychiatrist says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

•••

A woman walks into a dentist’s office and says, “I think I’m a moth”.

The dentist replies, “You shouldn’t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist …”

The woman replies, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.”

The dentist says, “Well then, what are you doing here?”

And the woman says, “Your light was on.”

•••

In a psychology class, the lecturer was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.

The lecturer asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of their lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young student at the back raised his hand and suggested earnestly, “A football coach?”

•••

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