Pollies and poo

One campaign consultant says he doesn’t approve of political jokes. He’s seen too many of them get elected.


What do politicians and nappies have in common? They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.


A small boy asks his dad, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what his dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while capitalism is doing it to the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored, and the future is deep in poo.”


John Howard, Tony Abbott and Scott Morrison died in various accidents and ended up in heaven together before God.

God asked Abbott: “What do you believe in?”

Abbott said, “I believe in the conservation and preservation of the earth.” God said: “Good, go stand over there!”

Then God turned to Howard, “What do you believe in, Howard?”

Howard said, “I believe in helping people grow and prosper.” God said, “Good, stand beside Abbott!”

Then God turned to Morrison, “What do you believe in, Morrison?” Morrison said, “I believe you are in my chair!”


A bus full of politicians drives down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus runs off the road and crashes into a tree in an old farmer’s field.

The old farmer sees the accident and goes over to investigate. He then proceeds to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff comes out, sees the crashed bus and asks the old farmer where all the politicians have gone. The old farmer says he’s buried them. The sheriff asks the old farmer, “But, were they all dead?”

The old farmer replies, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how those politicians lie.”




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