It’s World Alzheimer’s Day and September is Dementia Awareness Month – both great initiatives to fix the spotlight on diseases that affect millions of people worldwide. But in typical Aussie fashion, we put a humorous spin on a difficult topic – five memory jokes you’ll never forget: luck comes knocking, a scary car break-in, reminder note reminders, name recalls and recall by association.
Three women were discussing the travails of getting older.
One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.”
The second woman chimed in with: “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”
The third responded, “Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Touch wood.” And she rapped her knuckles on the table. She then said, “That must be the door. I'll get it.”
Jane is an elderly woman who called emergency on her mobile phone to report that her car had been broken into.
Jane is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “And they've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator.”
The dispatcher answers coolly, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”
A few minutes later, the officer radios back in. “Disregard,” he says. “She sat in the back seat by mistake.”
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor because they’ve started to forget things.
Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?”
“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”
“Well,” says the wife, “I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.”
“My memory's not all that bad,” says the husband. “A dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down.”
He goes to the kitchen. His wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a bowl of cereal and milk.
She looks at the bowl and asks, "So where's the toasted cheese sandwich I asked for?"
Two old friends meet by chance on the street. After chatting for some time, one says to the other, “I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me.” The other stares at him thoughtfully, then replies, “How soon do you need to know?”
An elderly couple had been experiencing memory problems, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the man was outside talking with a neighbour about how much the class had helped him.
“What was the name of the instructor?” asked the neighbour.
"Oh, um, let's see," the old man pondered. “You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's the flower's name?”
“A rose?” asked the neighbour.
“Yes, that's it,” replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the instructor we take the memory class with?
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