‘Til death do us part

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

“Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.” 

So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.

She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery”

The husband said, “What should I pack, beach clothes or mountain gear?”

“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out.”

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

  

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them Use the *** salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

Click NEXT to discover what it takes to have inner peace. 

Inner peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol, 

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are Probably

The Family Dog!




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