When your wife goes missing

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A distraught husband is filing a report on his missing wife:

Husband: I lost my wife (Misty), she went shopping and still has not reached home yet.

Inspector: What is her height?

Husband: I never noticed.

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Husband: Not slim, can be healthy.

Inspector: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Inspector: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes according to the season.

Inspector: What was she wearing?

Husband: Pantsuit or dress…I don’t remember exactly.

Inspector: Was she going in a car?

Husband: Yes.

Inspector: Tell me the number, name and colour of the car?

Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.

And then the husband started crying…

Inspector: Don’t worry sir, we will find your car…

 

Click NEXT for another Friday Funny

School 1945 vs. 2014     

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school. 

1945 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.

2014 – Police called, and they arrest Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months. School governors hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programs.

Scenario: Robbie won’t be still in class, disrupts other students. 

1945 – Robbie sent to the office and given six of the best by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2014 – Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADHD – result deemed to be positive. Robbie’s parents get fortnightly disability payments and school gets extra funding from government because Robbie has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 

1945 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2014 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care; joins a gang; ends up in jail. 

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school. 

1945 – Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with. Passes exams, becomes a solicitor.

2014 – Police called, car searched for drugs and weapons. Mark expelled from school for drug taking. Ends up as a drop out.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover fireworks from Cracker night, puts them in a paint tin & blows up a wasp’s nest. 

1945 – Wasps die. 

2014 – Police & Anti-Terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly in an airplane again.



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