Friday Funnies: wisecracks about marriage, men and women

Today we share some cheeky wisecracks about marriage, men and women.

Senior couple concept

It’s been a while since we had a good laugh at ourselves. So, in this week’s Friday Funnies, why not have a chuckle at our collection of cracks about men, women and marriage?


A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every day.

One day he told her, "You have been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were there. When we lost the house, you were there. When my health started failing, you were there. You know what?"

"What is it, dear?" she asked.

He responded: "I think you bring me bad luck."


Do I get a little jealous when my single friends come to me with wild stories about exotic nights with strippers? Sure I do. But, at the same time, look at all these model ships I've been able to build …


A university maths professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says:

"My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at a motel with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."

He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife:

"You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So I am at a hotel with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a maths professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't you wait up for me."


And, we’ll leave you with this thought for the week:

If a man says something in the woods, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?




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    9th Sep 2016
    Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

    "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

    "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

    With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

    There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

    "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

    "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

    "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

    And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

    "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

    "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

    "Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees




    Ees a ham bush...."

    And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you
    30th Dec 2016
    Funny Old Man

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