Friday Funnies: Science says

Here are five of the funniest jokes of all time. If you disagree, don’t blame us. Professor Robert Dunbar has done the research and says these are the funniest, according to science.


A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8.30!” He replies. “Why? What happened at 8.30?”


It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbour. “The seat is empty.”

“This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the final and not use it?”

The neighbour says, “Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible … But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?”

The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”


Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”


A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”


Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whoever dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies.

Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year and figures that there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. “So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?”

Sid asks, “Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex, take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep and wake up the next day.” “Oh, my God,” says Sid. “So that’s what heaven is like?” “Oh no,” says Irv. “I’m not in heaven. I’m a bear in Yellowstone Park.”

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Written by Liv Gardiner

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