A man is walking down the street when he sees a kid on the corner selling toothbrushes. The kid asks him, “Hey sir, would you like to buy a toothbrush?”
The man says, “I would, except I already have one at home. I don’t need one right now, but do you want a tip to help you out? If you want to be a successful salesman, you have to come up with a twist. You need to do something to grab the customer’s attention.”
The kid responds, “Oh, I get it!” and the man goes home for the night.
The next day, the man walks by again and sees the same kid. The kid asks, “Hey sir, do you want a free brownie?”
The man says, “Of course! Thank you!” He takes a bite and immediately spits it out cursing that it tastes like dog poo.
“That’s because it is,” exclaims the kid. “Want to buy a toothbrush?”
One day, an excited young boy is visiting the docks when he meets an actual pirate!
This pirate is the real deal: a parrot on the shoulder, a peg leg, eyepatch, hook hand, and sword on the hip.
The boy runs up to him, squealing with delight. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! You’re a real pirate!”
“Aye, laddie,” the pirate says with a toothy grin.
“I’ve never met a real pirate before! Ok, ok, how did you get your peg leg?”
“Yar, I was thrown overboard in the Caribbean and a shark bit off me leg.”
“Jeepers!” the young boy exclaimed. “That’s amazing! How did you get your hook?”
“Yar, I was fightin’ buccaneers what was tryin’ ta take me ship, and one of ‘em chopped off me hand ‘fore I sent ‘im ta Davey Jones’ locker.”
“Oooooh, that’s so cool!” the young boy said. “How did you get your eyepatch?”
“Yar…well…a seagull pooped in me eye.”
The boy’s enthusiasm turned to confusion. “How in the world did that make you lose your eye?”
“Well … it was the first day with me hook.”
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Thailand and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we’re drinking together.”
The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two beers. He drinks them and then orders two more.
The bartender, thinking the worst, says sadly, “Sorry for your loss.”
The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine. I just quit drinking.”