The silly side to senior

While we may stay young at heart forever, our bodies don’t always reflect the sentiment. Here are our favourite jokes that show senior citizens don’t lose their sense of humour.

Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

•••

My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn’t dirty. The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn.
I think I might never put my glasses back on.

An elderly looking gentleman, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good aftershave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady.

The gentleman walks over, sits alongside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, “So tell me, do I come here often?”

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve travelled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

•••

A frustrated wife told me the other day her definition of retirement:

“Twice as much husband on half as much pay.”

•••

Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker.

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

“Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband,” said the wife. The fairy moved her magic wand and – abracadabra! – two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband’s turn. He thought for a moment and said: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me”.

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish …

So the fairy made a circle with her magic wand and –abracadabra! – the husband was 92 years old.

First, you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.

•••

If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.

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Written by Liv Gardiner

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