The conventional wisdom paints a picture of serene relationships—where disagreements are rare and harmony reigns supreme.
Yet, the reality of human connection is far more nuanced—often marked by the occasional clash of perspectives. These moments of friction, while uncomfortable, can serve as unexpected catalysts for growth.
Rather than signals of impending doom, arguments can be viewed as opportunities for deeper understanding and connection.
When navigated constructively, these conflicts can reveal underlying needs and desires, fostering a stronger bond built on honesty and mutual respect.
Dr Michele Leno, a licenced psychologist, suggests that not only can arguments be a natural part of a relationship, but they can also, surprisingly, bring couples closer together.
We understand that relationships are complex and multifaceted, especially as we mature and seek deeper connections. So, let’s delve into why some couples might feel a stronger bond after a heated debate.
Dr Leno explains that arguing is an emotional response that requires an emotional connection. ‘We argue when something captures our attention and hits viscerally,’ she says.
This means that the very act of arguing indicates that you care deeply about something and, by extension, about the person you’re sharing your life with.
When couples engage in verbal disputes, they’re often forced to confront the underlying issues that triggered the argument. This process can lead to a clearer understanding of each other’s values, fears, and desires.
‘It is possible to feel closer to someone after an argument, as you may see them more clearly,’ Dr Leno pointed out.
‘You have a better understanding of what matters to them and how they approach problem-solving.’
However, it’s important to distinguish between productive and destructive arguments. Constructive disagreements are those where both partners respect each other’s viewpoints and work towards a resolution.
These types of disagreements can lead to increased trust, vulnerability, and understanding.
On the other hand, arguments that lack respect and remain unresolved can lead to tension and a sense of disconnection.
Dr Leno emphasises the importance of keeping arguments healthy and productive. She suggests revisiting the root cause of the disagreement to gain clarity and insight.
‘Although it may feel unwise to rehash a heated discussion, sometimes it is necessary for gaining clarity and insight,’ she advises.
‘Talking about why you argued and how you felt during and after, may be beneficial.’
It’s also crucial to maintain a balance. Arguments should not be the sole means of feeling connected to your partner. ‘If your connection relies on arguments, you may be moving into unhealthy territory,’ Dr Leno warns.
A relationship should be built on positive interactions and shared experiences that outweigh the negative.
So, what can you do to ensure that arguments have a positive impact on your relationship? Here are some tips:
- Listen actively: Try to understand your partner’s perspective without interrupting or planning your rebuttal.
- Stay focused: Address the issue at hand and avoid bringing up past grievances.
- Use ‘I’ statements: Express how you feel without blaming your partner (e.g., ‘I feel hurt when…’ instead of ‘You always…’).
- Seek resolution: Work together to find a compromise or solution that satisfies both parties.
- Cool off if needed: If emotions run too high, take a break and revisit the conversation when you’re both calmer.
In conclusion, while arguments can be challenging, they also have the potential to deepen the bond between partners.
By approaching disagreements with respect and a willingness to understand each other, couples can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth.
we’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you found that arguments have strengthened your relationship? Or do you have tips for navigating disagreements in a healthy way?
Also read: How to protect your personal finances in a de facto relationship
