Keeping the romance alive in a relationship isn’t always easy. Over time, things become routine, and sometimes we wonder how to bring back that spark we used to have.
It’s natural to want to find new ways to connect with your partner more intimately and keep things interesting behind the bedroom door. We are not alone in this dilemma.
A surprising trend has emerged recently: Many Australian adults turn to an unexpected source for advice on their most personal questions. They’re finding innovative ways to spice up their sex lives, and it seems technology is leading the charge.
Gone are the days when the only sources of sex education were whispered conversations, dog-eared magazines, or awkward school lessons. Today, nearly 10 per cent of Australian adults or around 1.9 million of them, are consulting ChatGPT, an AI-powered chatbot, for their health-related inquiries, including those about sex and pleasure.
ChatGPT is a computer program that can understand and respond to questions and prompts like humans. It reads from text available on the internet, which helps it generate written responses.
Now, ChatGPT is a type of AI-powered chatbot. ‘AI’ means Artificial Intelligence. These are computer systems that perform tasks usually done by humans. These chatbots use AI to understand human language, determine your meaning when asking questions, and give relevant answers.
But is this reliance on technology a step in the right direction? According to Verena Singmann, spokesperson for We-Vibe, a global brand in couples’ sexual pleasure, ‘It’s important that anyone with questions about sex and pleasure can receive answers from trusted sources.’
‘Technology can be a helpful tool when it comes to sex and pleasure, but AI doesn’t always know best when it comes to our sexual health and wellbeing. We must also be mindful of cultural bias, as AI cannot always differentiate between common beliefs and personal advice,’ she explained.
To help navigate the complex world of sexual pleasure, two leading sex experts also offered their insights on some of the most common questions posed to ChatGPT.
How to improve one’s sex life
Alice Child, a sex and relationship expert for Womanizer, emphasised that the first step to improve one’s sex life is to get educated, as ‘Good lovers are made, not born.’
She encouraged individuals to seek out resources such as podcasts, books, online courses, and workshops, and to engage in a variety of sexual and solo activities to discover what truly brings them pleasure.
‘Surround yourself with expert-led, sex-positive, body-positive, up-to-date education, and challenge your own assumptions and beliefs that might be holding you back. Porn is not a substitute for sex education,’ she said.
Cam Fraser, another expert from We-Vibe, suggested that enhancing sexual pleasure is less about chasing an orgasm and more about being present.
‘Explore their body, maintain eye contact, breathe together, and approach with curiosity,’ he said.
He also recommended starting a conversation about desires and boundaries outside the bedroom.
‘This can help normalise discussions about sex and pleasure without any pressure or expectations. Have conversations about what excites you, what you’re curious about, and what feels good while you’re having breakfast or going for a walk together,’ he said.
How to last longer during sex
For those concerned about performance, Fraser recommended three ways to last longer during sex.
To ease any physical tension during intimacy, try slowing down, relaxing your muscles, taking deep breaths, and concentrating on other areas of your body that provide pleasure.
Then, reduce the mental stress linked to sex by letting go of concerns about reaching climax swiftly, and instead engage in intimacy with a lighthearted and enjoyable attitude, no matter how it looks.
Finally, reduce relational strain by discovering enjoyable experiences with your partner. Try focusing on pleasure and bonding rather than just extending the duration.
‘As I tell my clients who struggle with this, if you’re experiencing bad sex for 30 seconds and you merely learn to last longer, you’ll just end up having bad sex for three minutes,’ he said.
Best ways to increase libido
When it comes to increasing libido naturally, Child suggested reflecting on times when you felt most confident.
‘Consider lifestyle factors (e.g., where you live, what you do, the company you keep, how you move your body and exercise, your diet), mental and emotional aspects (e.g., mental health, self-confidence, body image, and how fulfilled you feel), and physical factors (e.g., physical health, sleep, and medication),’ she said.
“Also, take some time to remember moments when you enjoyed sex and felt aroused, and jot down what excites you.’
She said the initiation of a daily pleasure routine helps reconnect with your body and your sexual responses. This might include incorporating a new toy to enhance the excitement of the experience.
Although there are many different fantasies and desires, Fraser shared that from his conversations with numerous clients, he found that most people were turned on by confidence, presence, and genuine connection.
In contrast, they were turned off by feeling rushed, sensing hesitation, or experiencing a lack of enthusiasm. If someone was curious about what turned their partner on or off, he suggested asking them and exploring those feelings with curiosity, openness, and playfulness.
Normalising sexual fantasies
Both experts agree that human sexuality is broad and diverse, and there is no reason to be concerned about fitting into a ‘normal’ category.
‘If you’re sharing your sexual preference or fantasy with a partner and it’s between enthusiastically consenting and fully informed adults, and it isn’t negatively affecting your life, mental and physical health, safety, or your relationships in any way, then there’s no harm done,’ Child explained.
We’re curious to hear your thoughts on this trend. Have you ever turned to technology for sex advice? What was your experience? Share your stories and insights in the comments below.
Also read: Can a marriage thrive with hardly any sex?
