Grandson’s inappropriate girlfriend

Richard is worried about his grandson’s first girlfriend, who has a poor reputation.

Grandson’s inappropriate girlfriend

Richard is worried about his grandson’s first girlfriend, due to her poor reputation. Jo Lamble advises on whether or not he should talk to his grandson.

Q. Richard
My grandson has his first serious girlfriend and I was shocked when he brought her to meet me. I’m sure she’s the girl who many of the men down the local bowling club talk about being a little free with her favours. I’ve even heard she’ll pleasure older men for money. Should I tell my grandson?

A.
I’m hoping that what you’ve heard about your grandson’s girlfriend is just gossip. If not, it’s going to be a stressful watching to see what happens with this relationship. I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell your grandson about the rumours. He may not listen and it might damage your relationship with him. I would encourage you to talk to him about what he likes about her. Ask him what he values in a relationship. Ask him if this girl brings out the best in him and vice versa. Use your position as his wise grandfather to give him some sage relationship advice without commenting on this particular girl. Keep it general and allow him to make his own decision and then cross your fingers that it will all be all right.

Jo Lamble
www.jolamble.com.au





    COMMENTS

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    Bluebell
    26th Jan 2014
    11:11am
    I would make inquiries to establish whether or that the yarns he has heard are actually correct. If proven to be correct I would ask the peole who told you for support in talking to your grandson who probably has no idea what the girlfriend does during the time that she is not with him.
    After a work colleague of mine wife walked out on him (all she left him was a bottle beer - with nothing to open it with) we found out she had been a prostitute apart from her day job as a shop manager. My Dad had heard some workmates talking of "visiting" her when her husband was away with work. Apaprently the guys knew that they were all visiting her. Dad didn't realise it was her they were talking about as she has a fairly common name. It was back in the days of telegrams. Her husband always had to send her a telegram advising when he would be home (for obvious reasons) a day or two before. Her excuse was she would have to buy more food when he was home.
    JJ
    31st Jan 2014
    10:46am
    Tread very carefully if you want to retain a good relationship with your grandson. Keep an open mind where this girlfriend is concerned, and be wary of what you discuss about her and with whom, because it will surely get back to your grandson if you voice your suspicions to others. People, especially the young, can become very defensive of any criticism or gossip about their relationships. But be ready and able to provide loving support if this particular relationship goes pear-shaped.
    KSS
    31st Jan 2014
    10:51am
    Why are you judging this girl on the say so of others? Why are you not being as critical of those who may/may not be availing themselves of her 'favours'?

    You are not in a relationship of any kind with this girl, your grandson is and it is his life and his decision who he goes out with.

    Stay out of it and keep quiet. If you don't you risk losing your grandson particularly if this is his first 'serious relationship'.

    If it all ends, be there with support - not 'I told you so' and make no comment about what you think you know. If it doesn't end you will need to deal with her on a more permanent basis and that will be easier if you do not also have to regret passing on what can only be seen as gossip and rumour and nobody's business but hers.
    Foxy
    31st Jan 2014
    8:06pm
    Excellent KSS - four words from me - MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS !!!!
    Anonymous
    3rd Feb 2014
    7:55am
    i also agree. none of grandad's business.
    ghoti
    31st Jan 2014
    12:05pm
    Good advice from Jo. The girlfriend is allegedly "a little free with her favours"? Sounds like scuttlebutt to me, but even if it's true, so what? Perhaps like most unattached people (and even many who are attached) she has been simply looking for love. Now she has found it, perhaps she will be less free with her favours than before. The allegation that "she’ll pleasure older men for money" sounds like wishful thinking by a bunch of beer-sodden pot-bellied old men at the bowlo.
    Anonymous
    3rd Feb 2014
    7:57am
    where are the young men who will "pleasure older women for their money"? my women friends and i would like to find some young men who are "free with their favours".
    Oldie84
    3rd Feb 2014
    10:58am
    Sorry kika, 60 years ago I would have been in like Flynn but alas! no more. Only happy memories. :-)
    Pass the Ductape
    31st Jan 2014
    12:46pm
    I think the grandson might already know of any bad reputation she might have (if it's true) but probably doesn't think grand dad does! Might be an idea to quiz the young fellow on a casual basis - asking the things one might ask in a normal situation such as where she might work - family ties etc. I think you'll get a fair idea pretty quickly if it isn't a kosher relationship. If the young bloke IS aware of any bad reputation she might have, then it's obvious he doesn't care about it - for the time being at least. Other than that - the lad will no doubt find out the truth in time and what, if any, intentions he has after that, will no doubt be his own business.
    Fiona
    31st Jan 2014
    1:04pm
    I wonder if you could casually bring up about being careful in relationships because of the danger of an unwanted pregnancy or std's?
    Oldie84
    31st Jan 2014
    1:23pm
    I wouldn't go near it with a forty foot pole.
    I can still remember what my reaction at his age would have been.
    Foxy
    31st Jan 2014
    8:07pm
    Hi Oldie - long time no see - hope you keeping well? Good advice from you as always! :-)
    Oldie84
    1st Feb 2014
    4:23pm
    Thanks Foxy, I am bearing and enjoying this banter.
    Keep well and smiling. :-)
    Oldie84
    1st Feb 2014
    4:24pm
    'bearing up' I mean. Sorry
    Foxy
    2nd Feb 2014
    10:10am
    Phew - for a moment I thought you were changing into a "bear" ! lol lol (just teasing) nice to know you ok - I'm well thanks (even though the heat in Melbourne is slowly "killing" me) us Melbournians are a weak lot when it comes to super hot weather - another week of it they say - oh well lots of worse things to worry about :-) take care......
    wally
    31st Jan 2014
    1:23pm
    Grandpa has a superb opportunity here. By all means, warn the grandson, buy him some condoms and get some Viagra. Opportunities like this don't come along every day, if you get my drift. LOL LOL
    Foxy
    31st Jan 2014
    8:09pm
    Viagra? Who for - Grandpa???? Ewwww nasty - grandson wouldn't need it - you serious??? lol lol lol ....
    Barbara Mathieson
    31st Jan 2014
    5:23pm
    Oh well these sorts of "things" are all around us. Don't interfere but just make sure you don't "will" anything in that direction yet!
    talofa
    31st Jan 2014
    11:34pm
    advice as a 74y.old female.....don't stick you big nose into an affair that is not you business
    bplus ....have you heard that females have the same rights as those gossipy pub-males
    brigid
    Nightshade
    1st Feb 2014
    12:59am
    THEY ARE SAYING THAT THIS GIRL IS THE TOWN BIKE ???

    My girlfriend Sandra - when we were 16 - discreetly told, not just the guys, but everyone, who were part of our social group that I had STD's - I was attractive & she must have had a ravenous appetite ???
    It's okay - I was not interested anyway & I soon moved on.

    If you have a good relationship with your grandson - should you risk it ?
    He may come to see you as a perverted old man ?
    greygeek
    2nd Feb 2014
    1:35am
    Please, if you love your grandson and have a close relationship with him, do not interfere! Be there for him, be sociable should you be introduced to the young lady, but do not voice your opinion, repeat gossip etc. To do so, will only create a gap between you and may force your grandson to make a choice and cast you aside! If, sadly, the gossip is actually true and your grandson's heart is broken, he will need you to help him get back on track! Very very hard to keep quiet, but I am sure you do not want to lose your grandson!
    moorlands
    2nd Feb 2014
    10:38pm
    Come on folks, when I was a young good looking young man in a small town, I was well known amongst the less satisfied wives( and I suspect some of their husbands) that I was available? I stress not for payment! What is the male equivalent for the "Town Bike "?
    Oldie84
    2nd Feb 2014
    10:56pm
    WOW !!!
    moorlands
    3rd Feb 2014
    12:01am
    PS. We have been married for 43 years, as far as I know most of my boyhood "friends "are still happily married, marriage is more than just sex.
    Oldie84
    3rd Feb 2014
    11:04am
    Hi moorlands I beat you by 12 years and yes, you are right. Totally agree.
    My circle of friends are all still married happily. May be times have changed.
    When I told my new bride if this wasn't going to work out we would get a divorce she nearly died. She didn't know anybody who had divorced. But I guess my Teutonic heritage made me overly correct. Happily everything worked out beautifully.
    Pardelope
    6th Feb 2014
    4:42am
    Speaking from experience (listening and watching over many years). Often it is the girl who is NOT free with her favours (but who is popular), who gets a bad reputation. Others who are not so popular may be jealous or vindictive and instigate a gossip (dissing) campaign against her.

    Do not discuss your grandson's personal life - unless he brings it up.

    If he does bring it up, have "a man to man" conversation using examples from your past experience about unwanted pregnancies, entrapment, and STD's. Do not discuss this particular girl. Preferably, just offer help or advice if ever needed.


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