Should John end his relationship uncertainty?

Is John’s online love just toying with his emotions?

Senior man is having stressful relationship troubles

John’s first foray into online dating seemed to go particularly well, until his amour got cold feet. While she appears to enjoy having John around when it suits her, is she just toying with his affections? Relationship expert Jo Lamble advises John on whether it’s time to put an end to this ‘union’.

Q. John

When I decided to give online dating a go, I didn’t hold out much hope. However, the first lady that I met was fun and engaging and we really hit it off. Everything went well for the first few months and then she called it off quite abruptly. We got back together and then she did the same thing again. We still talk, often at her instigation, but whenever I talk about meeting up and doing something, she becomes a bit vague. How do I know if we’re on or off?

A. This might sound harsh, but I think you might need to cut and run. It sounds like this lady has some commitment issues. She may be afraid of being hurt or of hurting you. Either way, people with commitment issues tend to call it off when relationships get closer. As soon as there is some space between you, she will remember how lovely you are and re-contact you. But the better things are between you, the more likely her fear will kick in and she will end it once again.

If you want to give it one more shot, then I’d try to talk to her about her behaviour pattern. Ask her if she is feeling uncomfortable with how well you get on. Ask her if this has happened to her before. If she opens up and explains why she’s so hot and cold, then she might be able to change her behaviour. But if she disagrees with any suggestion that there is an issue, I’m afraid you will remain confused and continue being hurt by her.

Read more from Jo Lamble at



    To make a comment, please register or login
    9th May 2017
    lol, did a bloke REALLY ask you this stupid question?
    9th May 2017
    Sounds to me as though she has other bloks on the go. When it's suits her she's happy to have you in her life. Drop her like a cold pie. Cheers Jacka.
    9th May 2017
    I think you are right, Jacka. I reckon she has an Ex who she really wants to be with, but he is doing to her what she is doing to John.

    You seem like a decent bloke, John, and I think you deserve better treatment. Honesty - if you haven't got it at the beginning of a relationship, I doubt you'll ever have it.
    Ted Wards
    9th May 2017
    We always look for what we are familiar with. Until we understand ourselves, our behaviors and what we are really looking for, we will always repeat the pattern and end up with the same type of person and similar situation and outcome.
    The trouble is we are not taught the truth about love, commitment and relationships, instead we believe the media driven romantic rubbish about happily ever after.
    The majority of people also don't believe they are worthy enough to be loved so look for people who will live up to that expectation. We need to be honest with ourselves first, understand why our relationships don't work out, why we love dysfunction, how we hide behind all of this and how we can take responsibility for our choices. Each generation is getting worse at this, not better. Loneliness and divorce are pandemic for a reason.
    Old Geezer
    9th May 2017
    Sounds like a clever woman to me.

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