Splitting up made simple

If you had to simplify the process of a break-up, here’s how it would be done.

How to get over an ex

Neil Sedaka nailed it when he sang Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. Even the relationships you want to get out of can be fraught with emotional peril. But if you are hoping for a clean break, here’s how it could be done in 10 simple steps.

1. Don’t get down on yourself
The first and most important thing to do is not to get down on yourself. Some relationships work, some don’t. If it was meant to be – you know how it goes – you just keep telling yourself this. The only way you’ll move on is by letting go. So, let go.

2. List the reasons you should be happy
Make a list of things that make you smile and check it twice. In no time at all you'll feel really nice. Don’t you let your break-up get you down (you can hear the tune, can’t you?).

Add to this list ways in which your ex wronged you, as well as the things they did that annoyed you. Now think: I don’t have to put up with that any more. Happy yet?

3. Get rid of all their things
Throw away or box up anything that reminds you of your ex. Throwing the items away may be more cathartic, but if you feel like being nice, pack and send them back, or leave them out the front and tell them to do a pick up.

Or you may prefer to store these things away for now so that one day you can dig them out and remember the better times you had together.

4. Write down your story and burn it
It may sound like a waste of time and paper, but you’d be amazed at how cathartic it is to write down your whole story – spare no detail – and then burn it! Make a small ritual out of it and once those thoughts and feelings go up in flames you’ll feel a little, or a lot, better.

5. Treat yourself
Go out with friends, buy yourself something nice, take yourself out on a date, pamper yourself with a spa day, or do something you’ve wanted to do for ages. Just do something to make yourself happy.

6. Give yourself some space
Even if it’s just for a few weeks, it’s probably best to steer clear of shared friends. You don’t need the reminder and to have to rehash all the reasons you were and weren’t right for each other.

And if you’ve agreed to stay friends with your ex, it’s a process that can wait until later. That way you’ll figure out whether you really want to stay friends or if the sentiment is guilt-driven. Make sure you’re absolutely over your ex before you begin the friendship, otherwise you may both fall back into old habits.

7. Plan a solo holiday
It doesn’t have to be overseas, it could be 20km away, but get out of the house for a few days and get some perspective. Being in a different environment can change the way you think about life, and it can reset your attitude.

8. Ease up on the booze
Avoid the old cliché of seeking the bottom of a bottle, be it alcohol or other stimulant. You need to get over your ex with as clear a mind as possible, and alcohol can often bring out the sentimental or morbid personality that runs back to a relationship time after time.

9. Get busy
Idle hands make for a sad sack, or some such sentiment. Find things to do to take your mind off things and stay occupied for a while. It’s amazing how easily you can be distracted from relationship woes with a little elbow grease.

10. Seek solace in others
Once you’ve separated from your ex, you’ll eventually need to become sociable again. So, seek solace in your closest friends and family. Most people have been through a break-up, so, when you’re ready, seek their advice. You never know what pearls of wisdom you can learn from those who’ve been there before you.

There’s also a great little trick for getting over an ex that may mean you don’t need to do any of the above. It’s called ‘snapping out of it’. All you do is place a rubber band around your wrist and every time you think about your ex, you pull the rubber band and SNAP it on your wrist. It may hurt a little bit, but it will train your brain to stop thinking about your ex. Hey, it works!

Hopefully these steps will help you acquire  a new perspective for when the time comes to begin a new relationship. Remember, don’t let past relationships ruin a new one. Hopefully you’ve learned from your mistakes and can walk a path to a healthy, happy union.

Do you have any advice for someone going through a break-up?

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    COMMENTS

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    Old Geezer
    2nd Aug 2017
    10:42am
    Well all I'll say is if they don't know a good thing when they have it then move on. Good riddance to them.
    Pamiea
    2nd Aug 2017
    10:54am
    Don't get into a relationship with the opposite sex for starters particularly as you are getting older. Its fraught with danger, more work and hassles unless you are extremely lucky.
    KSS
    2nd Aug 2017
    1:23pm
    That's right Pamiea, same sex all the way?
    Arisaid
    2nd Aug 2017
    12:47pm
    If you need a divorce lawyer get a collaborative lawyer. They'll do their best to keep it all out of court and that will save you heaps of money and things will done much faster. Look them up under Collaborative Lawyers.
    Rosret
    2nd Aug 2017
    1:43pm
    No. 4 and No. 8 are so important.
    If you think you can have a good divorce then you were never in love in the first place. It is worse than a spouse dying.
    You lose half your family, half your home and your financial security. Then the friends will polarise.
    I would love to make a future projection for anyone contemplating leaving and see if this is the scenario they would truly want. Rarely is it a mutual decision and apart from the absolutely black and white horrid relationships one person will end up hurt more than the other.
    However, one tip I do have - and it takes a long time to get to this point. Rewrite your past and make it happy. Why end your life thinking you had xx years of misery. Let the other party have that burden. Latch on to the moments that made you happy and proud to be with them and chuck the other thoughts out in the garbage never to be readdressed. After all life is just a set of snap shot memories. So keep the happy snaps.
    The only exclusion I would make on that one is those in abusive relationships. Write it down, keep it and if you ever feel weak and consider returning get your notes and photo evidence out and never throw it out or go back to your partner.

    2nd Aug 2017
    3:10pm
    Shack up with someone 20 years younger than the b*tch
    niemakawa
    2nd Aug 2017
    6:17pm
    It's all B & W . you have given a clue for the first word I will give a clue for the other - w*tch.

    The way this article is written is obvioulsy intended for women. Men don't do those things, well real men anyway. But so many snowflakes and gender fluids around it will probably be of interest to them.
    Rosret
    3rd Aug 2017
    7:12am
    Actually Raphael that is probably the wife's revenge. You will a Dad all over again before you know it. Your half of what is left will be split a gain - and guess who is laughing.
    Rosret
    3rd Aug 2017
    7:18am
    Actually niemakawa I think this very much applies to men as well.
    Divorce for men is absolutely abominable.
    Whether they like it our not there is an assumption its their fault.
    They often lose the family home, access to children, split the family assets and then have to pay maintenance.
    If a fire had burnt down their home they would have more sympathy and insurance.
    Divorce can be so cruel.
    niemakawa
    2nd Aug 2017
    6:18pm
    More tripe for dinner.
    Watto
    2nd Aug 2017
    9:25pm
    Spot on niemakawa well said.

    Whats this KSS you bat for the other side and a vegetarian to boot. What a classic you are.
    Ted Wards
    3rd Aug 2017
    8:50am
    Sounds like there is a lot of stuck people in here that need to apply some of these to help them move on. If your bitter and resentful you've not moved on. Move and on and live your lift to the fullest, you will die and be dead a long time. I was divorced 14 years ago and I love my life, it was the best thing I did was leave him. Never regretted it or looked backed. He was a classic narc who even tried the violence road. The trouble is we are not taught how to be in loving relationships, it more important we know maths and other things. Whilst those things are important as well, learning how to be in a productive and positive relationship is even more important. Its no wonder the divorce rate and domestic violence rates are sky rocketing. As we were parented so we parent, whether we realise it or not. I also come from an abusive home and realised a long long time, we need help to understand what is it we are doing and saying yes too. No matter who you love you need to understand what you are committing too.


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