How to keep yourself feeling sexy (without the sex)

This is not an article on sex tips.

Keeping it sexy (without the sex)

This is not an article on sex tips. This is not going be advice on how to spice up your love life or change yourself in order to be better-liked. But hopefully, this article will help you feel better about yourself and improve your connection with your partner, family, friends and colleagues. 

Most of us want to be well-liked and considered attractive. Philosophers of the self say that our identity is a combination of how we see ourselves in private, and how we think others see us. It’s easy to see how these two things loop back into each other.

The problem is that often it’s too heavily weighted on one side. Many of us fall into the trap of only allowing ourselves to feel beautiful/handsome/attractive if someone else – family, friends, society – tell us we are. Many of us struggle with feelings of dissatisfaction with our appearance and achievements. And more, we worry about reaching a certain age and having others judge our attractiveness and capability against an unfair youth-focused yardstick. How you feel about yourself plays a huge part in how fulfilled you feel in life.

But external validation isn't going to give you lasting, sexy self-confidence. That needs to come from you first. But how do you even start to change the old mindset of 'I'm not ______ enough' and start backing yourself? Well, it's about being compassionate to yourself, which takes a lot of mental work, but it is possible!

How to let go of your need for approval and validation:

Do you worry about what people will think when you say and do things?

Worrying about how others think of us changes the way we act and talk about ourselves. It’s common for people lacking in self-belief to alter their behaviour to please others. Building a foundation of self-acceptance will allow you to make decisions and take action on things that feel right for you.. When you’re comfortable with yourself, you won’t worry whether your looks or actions are being judged.

Try keeping a self-appreciation journal, in which you acknowledge what you like about yourself or things you are proud of doing. Suddenly, when you see yourself represented in affirmations, you’ll develop a stronger opinion of yourself. People with good opinions of themselves generally feel more comfortable and attractive. This positivity has an effect on how others gravitate towards you.

The key is that it has to feel genuine. You need to really believe that you are a sexy, capable beast, or else you are just acting. I know a young woman who says that on mornings when she feels less than, she makes an effort not to crumple to the thought. In fact, she physically resists it by forcing herself out of bed, putting her hands on her hips in a wide-legged power stance and stretching. It might seem dramatic, but she says it allows her to feel her own power and energy flow through her body, giving her confidence to start her day.

So, next time you’re feeling low in confidence, try being more compassionate with yourself, and maybe try a power stance or two!

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    COMMENTS

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    Happy cyclist
    19th Jan 2018
    10:37am
    Or here's an idea--stop thinking about yourself and start helping others. Volunteer with any of the dozens of organisations who help other people. In no time you'll be counting your blessings and feeling great. All this self indulgence worrying about how you are perceived is just exacerbated by articles like this. Get out and help others, none of us are that important as individuals, help the less fortunate, nothing will reward you more and your problems will shrink fast, guaranteed.
    Adrianus
    19th Jan 2018
    11:33am
    This article is about adding to that count. Sounds like you are stuck on one hand?
    Troubadour
    19th Jan 2018
    12:18pm
    Very true Happy Cyclist. My husband and I do voluntary
    work at Aged Care Homes, and being around these beautiful people uplifts us immensely - and yes it is good to get compliments from some of them, especially when they think you are younger than you are!!!
    Take your mind off yourself for a little while and share with others. - many less fortunate than you.
    Dancer
    19th Jan 2018
    11:21am
    Too true Happy cyclist - and counting your blessings is a great way to feel and be blessed!
    TREBOR
    19th Jan 2018
    11:28am
    All power to Amelia..... the flesh may be weak, but the spirit is still willing.... oh, well.
    Adrianus
    19th Jan 2018
    11:35am
    To an emotionally intelligent man a woman will look sexy regardless of her appearance. All she needs to do is think sexy thoughts. :) Now that's not hard is it?

    19th Jan 2018
    11:55am
    Ladies, I wish to announce that I am very sexy.

    Just ignore my rotting teeth, my balding head, my hairy back, my pot belly, my skinny legs, my twisted nose, my many personality defects, my missing fingers, my poverty, my busted hip and my, my, my ....... should I mention this? ...... my gon .... nah I better not. Changed my mind I will ..... my gonorrhea. Plus lack of height, no job, stinky underarms, no dress sense, etc etc etc.

    But, but, but ladies I'm VERY sexy. I'm "compassionate with myself".
    Tib
    19th Jan 2018
    12:28pm
    Jim if you see me on a bus. Please don't sit beside me. Nothing personal. Ha ha One thing though you have made me feel better about myself. :)
    Charlie
    19th Jan 2018
    12:11pm
    How? Beats the hell out of me.
    Tib
    19th Jan 2018
    12:21pm
    How to feel hungry without eating. Sounds like fun :( women feel powerful when they feel attractive it reminds them of when they were young when they just had to look at a guy and he did tricks for them like a seal with a ball. They don't like that feeling of having lost their power.
    On the positive side though a women who has looked after herself ( fit not painted) can be attractive if she has a nice smile and is intelligent. ( trust me ladies no one wants to spend time with an airhead).But marriage is probably out and older men rarely do tricks.


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