Spice up a long-time relationship

These six simple steps can help you to regain your intimacy.

Spice up a long-time relationship

It can be easy to take your partner for granted after so many years together. These six simple steps can help you to regain your intimacy and rediscover your relationship.

One: Acknowledge how fantastic you are
Sharing your life with someone is never easy all the time, and staying together for as long as you have is worthy of acknowledgement. Just take a moment together to consider that what you have already achieved is actually pretty fantastic.

Two: Remember to say ‘I love you’
It’s so easy to take your partner for granted, but it’s important to remember to tell them how you feel. If you love someone and they love you in return, you are an incredibly lucky person. Why not shout it from the rooftops or whisper it in their ear?

One caveat - you should only follow through with this step if it’s true. If it’s not, consider that there might be some deeper issues in your relationship, and that visiting a relationship counsellor can be very beneficial, especially if you are confused or uncertain about where you stand.

Three: Ask for help
For many people it’s important to be needed. You might be the most competent, self-sufficient person in the world, but if you never let anyone help you then your partner is eventually going to feel like you don’t really need them in your life. Ask for their help once in a while, even if you don’t really need to, and let them contribute as an equal.

Four: Have an end-of-day ritual
Our lives just keep getting busier, and finding the space to spend time together can end up as a low priority, to be taken care of in that far-off land of ‘tomorrow’. So create an afternoon routine. Smile when your partner walks through the door. Or, when you get home, be sure to seek out your partner just so say ‘Hi, I’m home, and I’m happy to be here’. Put your technology aside for half an hour, sit down with a cup of tea or a glass of wine, and talk about your days. This whole ritual only takes 45 minutes, but it could make a world of difference to your relationship, especially if you are prone to bring work or life stress back home and letting it fester.

Five: Go somewhere new
Exploring a new place together can have many benefits. It can be energising, exciting and liberating. It can give you the space to rediscover all your favourite aspects of one another, without the pressures of home, work or family. And it’s a lot of fun. Which leads us to step six.

Six: Have fun
Don’t forget to have enjoy yourselves. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Do you have any advice for those feeling stuck in a rut, or distanced from their partner? Share your thoughts in the comments below.


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    9th Apr 2014
    Interesting - and I don't disagree with any of this, but the great 3-letter word never gets a mention. Maybe it is implicit in 'spice up' and 'intimacy', but even people with a few extra birthdays can and should enjoy sex as and when opportunities present themselves. A lot has been written (and probably a lot more avoided) in recent years about older people - even REALLY old people (in their 50s, 60s and 90s) - participating in and enjoying sex. I stumbled across a Facebook page recently that is devoted to older people enjoying healthy sex lives - 'in the mood at 50'. I am a lot more than 50 and I am still in the mood - and I still find that my partner and I enjoy a little pleasurably lovemaking on a regular basis - and that certainly differentiates our good days from the more ordinary ones.
    28th May 2020
    Intimacy is so very important in a relation. I am a lot more than 50 and I am still in the mood - and I still find that my carbonite partner and I enjoy a little chatiw pleasurably lovemaking on a regular basis.

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