We all know the butterflies and excitement that come with falling in love—the late-night chats, the inside jokes, the feeling that you’ve found your person. But what about when those feelings start to fade?
Falling out of love isn’t usually a dramatic, movie-style moment. More often, it’s a slow, subtle shift that can sneak up on you, leaving you wondering, ‘When did things change?’
If you’re over 50, you might think you’d spot the signs a mile away. After all, you’ve been around the block a few times! But even the most experienced among us can miss the not-so-obvious clues that our hearts are no longer in it.
Whether you’re in a decades-long marriage or a newer relationship, it’s worth checking in with yourself.
Here are six subtle yet significant signs, according to relationship experts, that you may be falling out of love—and what steps you can take to reconnect and rebuild the relationship.
1. You’re no longer excited to spend time together
Remember when you used to look forward to your partner coming home, or you’d plan special outings just to be together? If those feelings have been replaced by indifference—or worse, a sense of obligation—it could be a sign that the spark is fading.
As Michelle Herzog, LMFT, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder of the Centre for Modern Relationships in Chicago, explains, ‘Activities you once enjoyed together feel pretty burdensome, maybe even boring, and you’ll feel disengaged—like you would rather be somewhere else.’
Maybe you find yourself zoning out during dinner, checking your phone instead of chatting, or dreading that anniversary dinner you used to love.
It’s normal for the initial excitement to mellow over time, but if you’d genuinely rather be anywhere else, it’s time to take notice. Quality time should feel like a treat, not a chore.
2. You don’t miss them when they’re away
The old saying goes, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder.’ But what if you barely notice your partner’s absence?
Shavon Gaddy, LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist in New York City, points out, ‘Yes, it’s common to crave space, but if you were to go on a five-day holiday and not think about your significant other once, maybe you’re not feeling the way you used to.
If you’re not itching to send a quick ‘thinking of you’ text, or you don’t find yourself counting down the days until they return from a trip, your emotional connection may be waning.
Of course, enjoying a bit of alone time is healthy—especially in retirement, when you might be spending more time together than ever before! But if you go days without thinking about your partner, or you feel relief rather than longing when they’re gone, it’s worth asking yourself why.
3. You’ve stopped sharing the details of your life
In a loving relationship, your partner is often the first person you want to share good news (or bad news) with. If you find yourself ‘forgetting’ to mention important events, or you’re no longer interested in hearing about their day, it could be a sign you’re emotionally checking out.
Maybe you confide in friends or family instead, or you simply keep things to yourself. Over time, this lack of sharing can create distance and erode intimacy. If you’re not curious about your partner’s life, or you don’t feel compelled to share your own, it’s a red flag.
4. You don’t consider them in your decisions
From big choices like moving house or retiring, to smaller ones like what to have for dinner, couples usually consult each other. If you’re making decisions without considering your partner’s input or feelings, it may mean their opinion no longer matters to you as much as it once did.
This can be especially noticeable in later life, when decisions about downsizing, travel, or finances become more frequent. If you’re planning your future without factoring your partner in, it’s time to reflect on what that means for your relationship.
5. You’re unwilling to compromise
Every relationship requires give and take. Maybe you used to happily watch their favourite TV show, or you’d go out of your way to make their birthday special. If you now find yourself unwilling to make even small sacrifices, or you resent having to compromise, it could be a sign your feelings have changed.
Ask yourself: Are you still willing to meet your partner halfway? Or do you find yourself thinking, ‘Why bother?’ If it’s the latter, your emotional investment may be slipping.
6. You picture your future—and they’re not in it
This is perhaps the most telling sign of all. When you imagine the years ahead, do you see your partner by your side? Or do you find yourself fantasising about solo adventures, new hobbies, or even a different relationship?
It’s normal to occasionally wonder about the road not taken. But if you’re actively planning a future that doesn’t include your partner—or you feel indifferent about the idea of growing old together—it’s time for an honest conversation with yourself.
What should you do if you recognise these signs?
First, don’t panic. Relationships naturally ebb and flow, and noticing these signs doesn’t automatically mean it’s over. Sometimes, life’s stresses—health issues, retirement, family drama—can temporarily dampen your connection.
If you’re concerned that you might be falling out of love, there are steps you can take to address it. Start by talking about it—gently share your feelings with your partner using ‘I’ statements, such as ‘I’ve noticed I’m feeling a bit distant lately,’ to express yourself without blaming or criticising. From there, try to reconnect by spending intentional quality time together.
This could mean trying something new, like a cooking class, planning a weekend getaway, or simply going for a walk in the park. Seeking support can also be helpful; couples counselling provides a safe space to explore what’s changed in your relationship and how you might move forward together.
Lastly, take time to reflect on your needs. Ask yourself whether you’re truly unhappy or just stuck in a temporary rut. With honesty and effort, it’s often possible to reignite the spark.
As relationship expert Shavon Gaddy advises, ‘I always suggest going back to the basics: Go out on spontaneous dates and try to get to know them (again).’ This simple yet powerful step allows you to reconnect with the person you first fell for, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Have you noticed any of these signs in your own relationship? What do you think contributes most to a lasting connection over time? Share your experiences and advice in the comments below.
Also read: Unlock happier relationships instantly: The ‘5 Second Rule’ every psychologist swears by
