A policeman’s pact with a drunk

Fact or urban myth, I can’t say, but I know a bloke who swears this is true.

Many years ago, somebody this man knows is pulled over for drink driving. And he’s drunk.

The policeman tells the drunk to sit in the police vehicle while he gets the man’s car off the main street and parks it around the corner.

The drunk gets behind the wheel of the police car, falls asleep, wakes up with a start and drives off. He parks in his garage and stumbles off to bed.

Early the next morning, there’s a knock at his front door.

“Do you have my car?” asks the policeman.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the man replies.

“Can we check your garage?” asks the policeman.

In the garage is the police car. The man can’t remember or explain how it got there.

“This isn’t going to end well for either of us if I pursue your drink driving charge,” says the policeman, “so how about we agree that this whole thing never happened?”

“What thing?” said the man, and they shook hands and went on with their lives.

***

Were you named after something or somebody?

When Iris was born, her parents named her after the iris lilies growing along Gardiners Creek, in Glen Iris in Melbourne.

Deborah’s father loved Deborah Kerr, hence same name, same spelling.

Alf’s middle name is Brisbane because that’s where he lived at the time, and Tom’s is Hawthorn because that’s who his father barracks for. Tom barracks for Essendon.

But the worst is May. She grew up on a dairy farm.

“And my father’s oldest and best milking cow was called May. Yes, my father named me after a cow.”

***

It’s almost impossible to keep up with the rapid changes in technology, especially in the world of communication.

While some of us more senior citizens may know how to Skype, because it enables us to keep in visual contact with family who are interstate or overseas, others among us are luddites.

And there’s an interesting word – luddite. It was the name given to some English workers in the 19th century who destroyed machinery because they believed it was threatening their jobs, and the word now applies to anyone opposed to increased industrialisation or new technology.

The word is thought to have come from a Ned Ludd, an apprentice who deliberately smashed two stocking frames in 1779.

Like Robin Hood, Ludd was said to live in Sherwood Forest. But like Robin Hood, Ned never existed and evolved out of folklore.

So the first nomination for our Leading Luddite Award is our friend Dave. He has never owned a mobile phone, doesn’t have a computer at home and has never subscribed to Foxtel.

Dave doesn’t know a podcast from a pod of peas, has never watched an episode of The Simpsons, and thinks the cloud is nothing more than the white thing above his head.

And he’ll never read this item about himself because he’s never gone near the internet.

We rang Dave on his landline to tell him he was our first nominee for LLA and he didn’t care.

“I’m happy,” he said, “and if I win, I’ll wear it like a badge of honour. But don’t tell me first prize is a mobile phone.”

Do you have an LLA candidate?

***

From the mouths of babes.

Little Libby was listening to her parents talking to her grandparents.

“When I die,” said her grandmother, “just spread my ashes on the Harbour.”

When her grandfather was asked, he replied that he also wanted to be cremated, not buried. “But I haven’t decided where I’d like my ashes spread,” he said.

“You’d better figure it out soon,” said Libby. “You’re very, very old.”

Do you have any stories to share with YourLifeChoices? Do you know any interesting characters? Do you have a milestone birthday or anniversary coming up? We’d like to hear from you. Email [email protected]

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Written by Perko

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