Most of us would like to be a little more likeable, attractive or downright irresistible. Short of gulping on the elixir of youth or undergoing a personality transplant, the chances of becoming highly desirable as we age can be elusive … or are they?
According to personal growth blogger John Gorman, you only need three things to seduce someone whose attention you crave.
You may be able to guess what they are by thinking about the qualities of people you admire.
While good looks help, they are not going to keep you interested in a stunner if they turn out to be a nasty piece of work … so, no, you won’t be getting any tips on makeup or makeovers today.
Money helps, but again, you won’t find a millionairess or millionaire irresistible if they have a rotten personality. Would you want to be with that person if they were stripped of their riches?
The same goes for a bunch of other characteristics: great body, great hair, great legs, great house, great intellect, great anything. Take the greatness out of the equation and ask yourself whether you could still love them.
Before reading Mr Gorman’s pearls of wisdom on the website Medium, if I had been asked which three qualities I would find most attractive in a potential partner, I probably would have answered a good sense of humour, honesty and kindness.
Well, it turns out that only the last trait comes close to what can make someone convincingly seductive, in Mr Gorman’s estimation. After some soul-searching, he tells us, he narrowed it down to humility, curiosity and empathy.
Empathy
That’s when you care enough for someone else you can almost feel their pain. It is less about pity and more about compassion. Showing empathy lets someone know that they matter, especially when they are down. It suggests that you want to hear their voice. But it isn’t sympathy, which is more aloof, and it isn’t running around trying to fix all the problems in someone’s life, because, hey, maybe they don’t want you to.
Curiosity
This one is in the same boat as empathy. Being curious about someone else shows that you care and are interested in them as an individual. As long as you are not being overly intrusive, curiosity will let that someone know that you value them and their world.
Humility
Think Mother Theresa or the Dalai Lama. These wonderful do-gooders didn’t need much more than their humility to become loved and inspirational all over the world. Humility is that humble presence that projects onto others a sense that you don’t think you are better than them or more deserving. It shows that you hold everyone equal in your eyes.
So there you have it. You don’t need to spend big money to spruce yourself or your personality up. Not everyone can cultivate a great sense of humour that comes naturally, but anyone can learn to show humility, curiosity and empathy.
Try it and see if you can form a band of admirers.
What other traits do you find irresistible in others? Have you ever been swept off your feet by a particular charm?
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