Who can say no to a juicy scandal? From nude interludes and stars being rude to Bill Cosby’s quaaludes, we take a humorous look at some of 2015’s most scandalous celebrity stories.
1. Johnny Depp and his dangerous dogs
The showdown between Barnaby Joyce and Johnny Depp’s dogs Pistol and Boo is, in my opinion, undoubtedly the biggest scandal on Australian shores this year. Sure, Johnny Depp did the wrong thing, but boy Barnaby certainly ran with the ball didn’t he?
In case you don’t know (which I find hard to believe) Johnny Depp flew his dogs over from the US to the Gold Coast to be with him whilst he was filming another instalment of Pirates of the Caribbean. One day, some bright spark decide that the dogs needed a haircut. The groomer saw a shot at fame and snapped some pics of the pups then posted them on social media, only for big bad Barnaby Joyce to get a hold of them.
The Minister for Agriculture then declared to the world that “It doesn’t matter if Johnny Depp has been awarded sexiest man alive twice, it’s time Boo and Pistol bugger off home” which won him some brownie points from all those who feel that the rich get away with enough already, but also made him a bit of a laughing stock overseas.
Now we all know that Mr Joyce was just doing his job and all he was trying to do was protect us Aussies from those skanky, ravenous, impish, rabies-infested rodent dogs. I mean, as Mr Depp says in his interview with Jimmy Kimmel, it’s not as if we live in a land full of the most dangerous critters and creepy crawlies in the world, is it? But those dogs just looked down-right scary, didn’t they?
I know, I know, no-one is above the law, but c’mon, did this one get blown out proportion just a little bit? It certainly sparked a fierce debate on our own forum. I mean Barnaby threatened to destroy two tiny little doggies. I wonder how public opinion would have panned out for him if he followed through on that threat?
2. Charlie Sheen does/does not have HIV (but it doesn’t matter)
Hollywood went haywire when Charlie Sheen told the world that he was diagnosed HIV-positive around four years ago and, to keep the whole affair quiet, paid close to US$10 million in hush money.
The 50-year-old claimed he didn’t know how he contracted the virus and, since coming clean (no pun intended) on live television, was relieved he would no longer have to pay people for their silence. But not, it seemed, so concerned about the possibility of thousands of women he’s ‘apparently’ slept with contracting the disease. Oh Charlie, it’s lucky you’re just loveable enough to live this one down …
3. Suzi Taylor is still just Suzi from The Block
The 44-year-old single mother and contestant on The Block was photographed topless on a boat just after Crown Oaks Day this year. Wearing nothing but a slinky pink G-string and proudly displaying her surgically enhanced breasts, the self-confessed exhibitionist who, perhaps not surprisingly, was a former Penthouse model, collapsed on the set of the Aussie renovation show four days later and was taken to hospital for a rumoured stint in rehab. Maybe she had sunstroke?
(please excuse the low-quality image – it is a screen grab from YouTube)
4. Ariana Grande (who?)
Ariana Grande shocked her fans, and fans of donuts worldwide, when, whilst awaiting service in a donut store in July this year, she decided to lick a selection of pastries for sale on the counter whilst shouting, “What the f*ck is that? I hate Americans! I hate America!”
The poor lass, was no-one paying this little prima donna any attention? Perhaps the biggest scandal here is that I, and I’m sure many of you, have never heard of Ariana Grande. Or perhaps that’s a saving grace …
5. Justin ‘bloody’ Bieber
The ‘Bieber Weiner’ pictures may have made a lot of teenage girls and boys squeal in a fan frenzy, but the real scandal here is that Justin Bieber is even a thing. I mean, isn’t he a big enough wiener without his own father tweeting the world of how proud he is of the size of his son’s appendage? What hope does the younger Bieber wiener actually have?
Bieber said he felt “violated” that his allegedly ‘unposed’ nudie pictures went viral, but I guarantee you, he wasn’t as violated as I was (or my eyes were) …
6. Paris Hilton – again
Aren’t we sick of Paris Hilton yet? It seems the only way she can get any press is to put out a self-produced video, most likely sans clothing. This time, the young (and quite possibly most embarrassing) Hilton was a ‘victim’ of a plane crash prank being filmed by an Egyptian TV crew. Hilton put on one of her finest performances, and afterwards, told the world that she truly believed she was going to die.
When the footage was released the world sympathised with the irksome socialite, but, as it turned out, she was actually paid quite handsomely to participate in the prank.
If only this is the last time we have to see Ms Hilton on any screen, anywhere, ever again. If only …
7. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner and the nanny
Now this one is a bit sad, but not really. After a number of big-name breakups in 2015, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck also called it quits. It was discovered (rumoured?) that Ben was nuding it up with the nanny. After 10 years of marriage, three kids and several questionable acting efforts, Ben must have realised he was punching above his weight range and went with someone who can help clean up his act a little.
8. Bill ‘I’m not finished’ Cosby
Former king of comedy Bill Cosby’s reputation began to slide in 2014, but after surviving the first round of allegations of sexual misconduct, several more women came forward this year with accusations of sexual assault. On top of that, unsealed documents from a 2005 court case, in which the 77-year-old Cosby admitted to drugging women so he could have sex with them, have really sent his star spiralling into the abyss.
But Mr Cosby doesn’t believe his career is over, saying “I’m far from finished” in his tell-all ABC interview this year, but hey hey hey Bill, we’ve got news for you. You’re through.
Which do you think is the biggest scandal? Or do you know of other scandals that should rate higher than these?