Weird and weirder pet names

Over a lifetime, we come across many family pets, some with names we never forget.

Like the bloke at my football club whose kelpie is called Tomorrow, because he never comes.

Dianne was introduced to a friend’s cat and was told her name was ‘Portia’.

“When I met the other cat and was told its name was Mercedes, I realised the first cat was Porsche, not Portia.”

Jennie’s family had a dog named Mac. When they got a cat, they called it Tosh. Mac ‘n’ Tosh.

And how smart is this? Cheryl’s son has two goats. One is called Dora the angora, and the other is Vincent Van Goat.

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Think of your most cherished kitchen utensil. You’ll have one. Everyone does.

Years ago, when writing In Black and White, I wrote about a lady who loved her wooden spoon.

She’d used it at least once a week for 65 years, so she’d formed quite a bond with it – even though her mother used to spank her with it!

The next day – and this is no lie – I took 121 phone calls from people – mostly women – wanting to tell me about something in their kitchen that they loved.

I heard about pots, pans, toasters, spoons, whisks, coffee cups, bread boxes, biscuit tins … You name it and somebody mentioned it.

I have no such bond with anything in my kitchen, although I do think of my mother whenever I use our old saucepan with a red handle that she left to me.

Mum had that saucepan for 60 years and never produced a single good meal with it.

What have you got?

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Who’s the tightest person you know?

In Metung, some locals recall a chap named Fred who drove a Ford panel van.

Fred would roll his car two kilometres going towards town before he’d have to start the engine to finish the final couple of kilometres.

This, he reckoned, saved him a fortune on petrol.

One day, Fred rolled off, but when he went to turn on the motor, nothing happened. He’d taken the battery out and hadn’t returned it.

After a two kilometre walk back to get the battery and a two kilometre walk back to his car carrying the battery, Fred never played his silly game again.

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Now be honest, do you have a son or daughter with a kid? And have they given their child a name that made you wonder what was going on in their minds at the time?

Now, while you may think this is characteristic of the modern world, it isn’t. For example, Sally’s late mother was named Clive.

“My father named her after Clive of India, the British soldier who secured India for the British Crown.

“Among the problems it caused her was the time she got called up for military service, in the men’s army.

“Another time they lost her in hospital because she was listed as being in the male ward and nobody could find her.”

Do you have an interesting pet name? A favourite story of money saved? An interesting observation? A milestone birthday or anniversary coming up? We’d like to hear from you. Email [email protected]

Related articles:
Anniversary jokes
Pets that rule the roost
The pet name game

Written by Perko

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