Friday Funnies goes to the gym

Laughter reduces stress hormones, works your abs, lowers blood pressure and improves your cardiac health, so it’s fair to say this week’s exercise-oriented Friday Funnies is an essential read. It’s for your own good!

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Just been to the gym and there’s a new machine. Only used it for an hour because I started to feel sick. It’s good though. It does everything: Kit kats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps!

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My first workout back at the gym was great … I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then three days in the hospital.

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The only exercise I have done this month … is running out of money.

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Me at the gym: What does this machine do?
Instructor: Sir, that’s a bench.
Me: Perfect.

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I phoned the local gym and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. The guy on the line asked, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays or Thursdays.”

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I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me: “Come on, man, you’ve got to want it! Come on, push! You can do it!”

I just hate being disturbed when I’m on the toilet.

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I thought a spin cycle class was about laundry.

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“Ugh, who has time to work out?” I say before a 45 minute nap.

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Me: Can’t. I’m exhausted from all the CrossFit this morning.

Him: It’s pronounced ‘croissant’ and how on earth did you eat the entire dozen?!

Did we miss any classic gym jokes?

Written by Liv Gardiner

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