A man walks into a bank in Sydney and asks for the loan officer. The man says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.
The loans officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys and documents of a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the man returns and repays the $5000, plus interest, which is $15.41. The loans officer says: “We are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. You have a good-sized, harbourside mansion, a sizeable equity portfolio and no debt at all. We are curious as to why you would bother to borrow $5000?”
The man replied: “Where else in Sydney can I park my car for two weeks for $15?”
A wealthy man met a beggar on the street. The beggar pleaded to the wealthy man to give him a dollar to buy something to eat.
“You poor fellow,” said the wealthy man. “Come with me and I’ll buy you a drink.”
“Actually, I don’t drink. But I would like something to eat.”
“Here, my friend. Take one of my Cuban cigars,” the wealthy man urged.
“Sorry, sir,” said the homeless man. “I don’t smoke.”
“Very well, then come with me to the casino! I’ll put up your stake and perhaps you’ll win enough to get your life back on track.”
“I don’t gamble either, sir. But I would still very much like a bite to eat.”
“You want to eat?” asked the wealthy man. “Alright, come home with me and have dinner with my family.”
“That’s very kind of you, sir. Thank you!”
“Not at all,” replied the wealthy man. “I just want my wife to see what happens to a man that doesn’t drink, smoke, or gamble.”
Donald Trump, Bill Gates, the Pope and a schoolboy are on a crashing airplane and there are only three parachutes. “Well,” says Bill Gates, “I am the most important businessman in the world and I need to continue running my company.” He takes the first parachute and jumps out.
“Well,” says Trump, “I am America’s smartest president, and my people need me.” He takes the second parachute and jumps out.
The Pope takes the third parachute and hands it to the child. “Take this”, the Pope says, “I am old and I will pass on soon anyway. This world needs you more than it needs me.”
“That’s okay, Your Holiness, we can BOTH have a parachute,” says the schoolboy.
“How is that possible?” asks the Pope, flabbergasted.
“Because,” says the schoolboy, “America’s smartest president took my schoolbag.”