A middle management executive has to take up a sport, says his doctor, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his boss asks him how he’s doing.
“It’s going well,” the manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, ‘To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!’
“That’s great,” his boss says.
“But then my body says,” the manager continued, “Who? Me? You must be kidding!”
Q: Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?
A: Because, to tennis players, love means nothing.
Q: Why did the coach give his football team lighters?
A: They kept losing their matches.
Q: What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves?
A: The fence.
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?”
The husband said, “No sweetie.”
The woman said, “I’m sure you would.”
So the man said, “Okay, I would.”
Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”
And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.”
Then the wife asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”
And the husband replied, “No, she’s left handed.”
Q: Why were the swimming elephants thrown out of the Olympics?
A: Because they couldn’t keep their trunks up.