Q. How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
A. “You are fine, how am I?”
Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but it really has to want to change.
Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it takes five sessions.
A man goes to the psychiatrist wearing shorts made of clear plastic wrap. The psychiatrist says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
A woman walks into a dentist’s office and says, “I think I’m a moth”.
The dentist replies, “You shouldn’t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist …”
The woman replies, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.”
The dentist says, “Well then, what are you doing here?”
And the woman says, “Your light was on.”
In a psychology class, the lecturer was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The lecturer asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of their lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”
A young student at the back raised his hand and suggested earnestly, “A football coach?”