The funniest anti-jokes ever told

Have you ever heard of anti-jokes? We’re not sure why they’re named as such but we had a good laugh when we found these ones. What do you think? Funny or anti-funny?

Why did the guy walk into a bank wearing a black ski mask?
Because his white one was in the laundry.

A blind man walked into a bar.
It hurt.

What’s green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colours.

What do you get when you take your age and add five years to it?
Your age in five years.

What do you call a man with one arm and no teeth?
Whatever his name is.

I ran into an old friend the other day.
I was arrested for driving under the influence.

A fly buzzes into a bar.
The bar tender promptly swats it with a fly swatter.

What has fingernails and legs made of grass?
You. I was lying about the legs made of grass.

Three out of five smokers die.
Apparently the other two are immortal.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.
And the very next day, I died because no-one can live without a heart.

Four simple men are driving to Disneyland. They see a sign that says: “Disneyland, turn left.”
They do, and have a fun time at what many people consider to be the most magical place on Earth.

What is brown and sticky?
A stick.

How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.

True or false: The white-tailed deer can jump higher than the average house.
True. The white-tailed deer has incredibly powerful hind legs and no house can jump.

What did one pancake say to the other pancake?
Nothing, there is no such thing as talking pancakes.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter what you call him. He isn’t coming.

People are like drums.
If you hit them with a stick, they will make noise.

What did one Japanese man say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak Japanese.

I will never forget what my dear old grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.
He said: “Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

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Written by Leon Della Bosca

Leon Della Bosca has worked in publishing and media in one form or another for around 25 years. He's a voracious reader, word spinner and art, writing, design, painting, drawing, travel and photography enthusiast. You'll often find him roaming through galleries or exploring the streets of his beloved Melbourne and surrounding suburbs, sketchpad or notebook in hand, smiling.
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