Domestic violence: Who is accountable?

Who should the Government be trying to educate about domestic violence?

Sad adult woman domestic violence victim in dark room

When it comes to tackling domestic violence, who should the Government be trying to educate? This was the contentious question that arose during Monday night’s episode of Q&A, titled Alcohol, Violence, Sugar and Shakespeare. 

In Australia, police attend about 650 family violence matters each day – that’s one case every two minutes. Of the cases reported, the vast majority of perpetrators are men, and their victims are women and children.

After 13 months and 25 days of hearings, the Royal Commission into family violence in Victoria has produced a 1900-page report, making 227 recommendations to the state government. Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has said that it is time to “overhaul” the “broken support system from the bottom up”.

Andrews said this would require the formulation of strong policies that will enable the Government to “punish the perpetrators of this violence…listen to the people who survive it and…change the culture that created it.”

However, a question on Q&A from audience member, Margaret McArthur, about whether it is women themselves who need educating, proved divisive among the panellists.

Ms McArthur asked: “With all the opportunities that are afforded young women of today, why are they still making poor relationship choices and having children in abusive relationships? Should women be held more accountable for their choices? And should we be targeting anti-domestic violence campaigns more towards women than men?”

Theodore Dalrymple, the scholar-in-residence at the Centre for Independent Studies was quick to jump in and name “sexual jealousy” as the “main driver” of domestic violence.

Dalrymple, who has, in his professional capacity as a psychiatrist, studied hundreds of domestic violence cases, claimed that sexual violence can be attributed to “the complete breakdown of any kind of accepted arrangements between men and women” and situations where “men derive[d] almost all their self-respect and self-importance from the exclusive sexual possession of a woman, while themselves, being very unfaithful.”

Feminist and author Germaine Greer was “stunned” by Dalrymple’s comments, and went on to say that a socially-embedded hatred of women and a man’s “self-loathing for his own sexuality and sexual desires” was the true root cause of gender violence.

“I probably would have thought that actually what drives it is misogyny, is actual dislike of women and not understanding them,” said Greer.

The Royal Commission into domestic violence has listed gender inequality as the major reason why domestic violence occurs. To Greer, this seemed like “a category mistake”, because “you’re putting the phenomenon as the cause of the phenomenon.”

“It’s not gender inequality that makes a man belt a woman. It’s actually evidence itself of gender inequality,” she said. 

Read more at abc.net.au

Watch the full episode of Q&A.

Opinion: Why do we victim-blame, anyway?

I tend to agree with Germaine’s analysis that misogyny and a lack of respect for women is what fuels domestic violence. However, putting this aside and to whom anti-domestic violence campaigns should be targeted, I’d like to discuss another related issue.

To suggest that a person is ever responsible for the violence inflicted on them by another not only takes the focus away from the perpetrator, it suggests that the victim ‘had it coming’. But why on earth do we think like this?

MP Sharman Stone, who was also a panellist on the Q&A program, discussed the case of a woman whose husband had murdered their two children and shot her, resulting in her losing a leg.

“One of the most commonly asked questions of her from others was: ‘What did you do to him to have stimulated such terrible violence?’ She said she was so shocked she was asked this so often and finally she worked it out: ‘I was just breathing.’”

As humans, we see ourselves as rational beings in a world where actions have predictable consequences and where adults have some control over what happens to them. I believe victim-blaming occurs because we’re used to seeing focus placed on the victim rather than the perpetrator. For example, a news report tells us that a woman was accosted on her way home. Our first thoughts are almost always with the victim: What was she wearing? What time was it? Was she alone?

Victim-blaming leads to the fault being unfairly placed on the individual, who has often simply failed to evade the conflict. It leads to a shift in focus away from the perpetrator, who may avoid culpability because he or she was ‘driven to do it’. Worst of all, victim-blaming leads to a culture of understanding on the part of the perpetrator and an alienation of the victim (who we begin to view as someone whose decisions led them to being victimised rather than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So, at whom should anti-domestic violence campaigning be targeted? Perhaps both men and women in different ways, but certainly at those most likely to perpetrate domestic violence.

What do you think? Have you been following the news surrounding the Royal Commission into Family Violence? What did you think of the comments made about the causes of domestic violence on Q&A? Would you agree with Germaine Greer or Theodore Dalrymple?





    COMMENTS

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    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    8:45am
    I saw the Q&A in question and am no expert of this topic but listening to some of the points of view left me shaking may head.
    Germaine Greer, on women's issues, is blatantly feminist (no surprise) and fails to acknowledge that women ever have any role in resulting domestic violence. Greer hates men and her perception is totally twisted. Men do not hate women and the violence in some relationships have nothing to do with misogyny.
    From my perspective I might suggest that domestic violence is the result of many inputs over a period of time. There is the family the perpetrator grows up in as well as his peer group. Then there are the violent video games brain training some boys. Add to that the general decay of law and order as well as courts which dismiss most offences plus the pressures on people to have everything and then you have the perfect storm. And last of all any relationship is a two way street and it is already well understood that women can put a lot of pressure on their partners through constant taunts and demands if they have expectations and/or are unhappy at not having a lifestyle other than the one they have.
    I do not condone domestic violence. Never have, but I do acknowledge that it is not the result of bad men' in isolation. The current shift in attitude is good but I fear that the result may be the next attack on men by an increasing women's lobby rather than a solution of a problem which has been let fester for decades without attention.
    HarrysOpinion
    13th Apr 2016
    1:51pm
    Domestic violence is the fault of both partners as it is with children who fight and argue with each other. Domestic violence does not occur spontaneously, it breeds itself from the beginning of one partner or child taking exception to what had been said or done and prevails to a point of no return of hatred and madness. It takes a lot of mental strength on part of both quarreling partners to abstain from a physical fight. However, there is something wrong with the whole issue of domestic violence and that is that women will not acknowledge that they may be at fault for provoking men's anger or vice a versa. I am not focusing on the end result where one partner is physically injured. I do deplore this but, I am focusing on what began that made the situation to fester to the point of no return. This essence of truth is being overlooked in all the debates and accusations.
    As for Greer, well, she's just a walking, talking piece of misandry, unable to rationally understand and acknowledge that at the beginning and the end of the day it's both partners fault.Greer like other women prefer to blame men, sadly that sort of attitude is a tragedy and it will never resolve to problem of domestic violence.

    13th Apr 2016
    8:49am
    The female is ALWAYS the cause of domestic violence.

    Uh oh, here they come!
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    9:05am
    You are misrepresenting what I said Eddie. Violence against a partner is totally unacceptable.
    Saalbach
    13th Apr 2016
    9:52am
    Did you actually read the comment, or did you just see that Mick wrote it, and decided that, regardless of its content, you would be a smart a__e? Have you ever considered that it is sometimes stupidity like yours that incrementally adds to the possibility of violence? Clearly there are a whole lot of factors which lead to violence of any sort - interpersonal relationships, illness, money difficulties, even frustration at the actions of our politicians. All of these can add to the pressure on an individual until they snap. The victim may be a totally innocent bystander, or they may have needled and abused the perpetrator over years. Whatever the cause, the topic is very serious, and deserves a better contribution than your inane riposte.
    Anonymous
    13th Apr 2016
    9:58am
    Mick, I wasn't replying to you.
    Anonymous
    13th Apr 2016
    10:03am
    Saalbach, crawl back under your rock.
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    1:51am
    The feminist is ALWAYS the cause of domestic violence.
    Janran
    18th Apr 2016
    1:08pm
    I just found Fast Eddie's comments. I was right - "his comments are usually steaming dog turds needing to be bagged."

    I repeat, on serious subjects like DV and the lives that are ruined and lost as a result of it, we should expect sincere comments and not frivolous baiting.

    Get a life and stop wasting your time and energy seething with misogyny. If you have nothing constructive to say, just say nothing.
    Fran
    13th Apr 2016
    9:01am
    Fast Eddie,
    You have a VERY SICK sense of humour.
    Happy cyclist
    13th Apr 2016
    10:12am
    Fran, I wouldn't call that a 'sense of humour'. There is nothing funny at all about the comment. If FE had a daughter who was murdered by her partner then he would be the first to abuse anyone who dared to write what he wrote.
    JAID
    13th Apr 2016
    10:26am
    HC, as FE notes, his was not a reply to Mick it replied not to the thread but to the article suggesting he what may be the expected response to it. He was likely foretelling his attitude to expected reponse being something like your own, perhaps less personal.

    (it is understandable that Mick thought it a reply to his.)
    Anonymous
    13th Apr 2016
    10:37am
    Jaid, you are one of the few thinkers on this site, unlike the ones who are "holier than thou" and ready to point their righteous fingers of their soiled hands at others - like the two hypocrites above. There are a lot of these narrow-minded know-nothings who are the self-professed pundits of morality and try to cleanse themselves and their filthy minds by downgrading others, as above. My "stirring" comment always brings out the Saalbachs and Happy Cyclists. You are fooling no one, either of you.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    10:56am
    If the English language is properly used then no problems guys. You need to perhaps preface statements a bit better. No offence taken.
    Anonymous
    13th Apr 2016
    11:04am
    I meant no offence to you, mick, nor anyone else. Just putting a little verbal bait out which was readily taken by the ferals.
    Boomah52
    13th Apr 2016
    9:18am
    Fact - in my experience I have always gotten on well with male family and friends and any disagreement forgotten in days/weeks - the women it is years or never with constant reminders. A comment by a woman on one of those "housewives of ..." shows really sums it up - "my husband thinks I am a sex object; whenever he wants sex I object." Men and women were not meant to spend long periods of time together - ask the hunter leaving the cave for days at a time or the likes of the explorer Matthew Flinders. As for Greer, if someone was hell bent on taking her place using any means apparently she would love them? All the training and laws will never make men women lol
    oztru
    13th Apr 2016
    12:23pm
    Boomah, I don't think this is a gender issue. I get over even serious disagreements in very little time, whereas men I have known hold onto grudges as a result of insignificant arguments for literally years. It is far more likely an issue relating to personality and/or upbringing.
    JAID
    13th Apr 2016
    9:28am
    I doubt the focus has ever really been primarily on victim or perpetrator. At the same time, domestic violence or leastwise its scale and prevalence is a horrible indictment of our society. Most any violence is likely to fit much the same pattern but there are particular circumstances which do define this and may even make it easier than other forms to deal with. Establishing good and productive relations would have to be a primary purpose of civil society.

    There are innocents involved in domestic violence but it always takes more than one to tango. Even where some elements may be more prevalent it seems to me that the work required to build appropriate relations will have several interfaces working in parallel.

    For us as a society.

    Respect for the liberty and equalty of other humans generally is a broad social aim that clearly requires further development.

    A society where all individuals feel there is a valuable future to project to and where negatives which arise from time to time are seen as natural excursions in the progress through wonderful life will be one where broader views see past pain or worry as truly insignificant in the overall run of things.

    For we as perpetrators.

    Respect for others, respect for our innocent children, carriage of our responsibility to partners, to children and to society, appreciation that there are alternatives, there is help available, negatives need not be final but a que to path modification, good life is a challenge, an incredible journey, strength lies with the nimble able to step forward and past adversity where vis a vis the relationship stepping out of it is the final option while bashing another into subservicence to it is never one and never one even with any value to yourself.

    For the victim.

    There are many victims, even the perpetrator can be a victim. There are risks but then there always are in life. You will not experience the fullest life where you are subservient to the demands of the overbearing. There is help available and more coming, by all means consider the balance but be prepared to vote on the relationship with your feet. Subservience is slavery. The highest abuse as the abuse of liberty. It can be complicated by history and dependencies but there is a future outside. However, appreciate that you have a voice, appreciate your independence and your responsibility. Subservience itself can begat further abuse, in this righteous political economy it will be seen as blaming the victim but understand that what you say and do does contribute to the abuse even where it is simple acceptance of disrespect or seemingly minor subservience. You need to represent yourself as an equal taking your share of responsibilty for shared affairs and you need to know when to quit.

    For all.

    Is this not something we should just get over. Married or not we have no right to demand anything of anybody else. Be with them because you value them as individuals or move on. Envy and jealousy are signs of weakness, whether it causes you to strike with your tongue or your arm no-one will ever see it as a sign of anything of value. These emotions and these modes of attack simply screen the real values which may be available in the relationship whether they are worth proceeding with or not.

    An aside.

    My parents who had a wonderful life together would have had a few aguments here and there no doubt but as a small child I saw what would have been their only physical altercation. My mother, the more fiery of the two must have been pretty annoyed about something as she landed a few blows. I don't think my father even covered himself, that in itself would have led to a quick dissipation of the energy involved (even if the calmness might have annoyed my mother more for a few moments.)

    Again it would not be a popular view but my limited experience has shown that as far as physical violence goes the physically weaker can often instigate aggression perhaps out of the view that they could not hurt the other due to their superior strength. This can carry through to non violent attacks. Similarly, as the eldest among my syblings I don't recall ever hitting the younger (although, no doubt, there would have been nastiness here or there.) At the same time, I received quite a few hits or attempted hits from young ones who whould have thought they could not hurt me (and fortunately didn't.) Obviously, nothing except sometime self-defence can justify attack but all parties value by being wary of their role.

    13th Apr 2016
    9:31am
    I think Mick is right. I believe violence is often a reaction to fear and a sense of powerlessness. When a situation becomes intolerable, for whatever reason, and a person feels threatened and powerless to remedy the problem, what do they do? I think the solution lies in educating BOTH perpetrator and victim. The perpetrator needs to learn new ways of dealing with threat and fear. The victim needs to learn what she/he (women are violent too!) is doing to create or exacerbate a feeling of being threatened and powerless, and how to help the perpetrator resolve that feeling and find solutions other than violence. It's not about ''blaming'' the victim, but in any situation where two people are involved, one has to consider that both have some role. Educating the victim how to avoid or reduce a problem isn't ''blaming'', its empowering.

    Of course there are other reasons for violence. A one-size-fits-all approach will never solve anything. The first step is to recognize individuality and understand that any proposed campaign of redress has to be flexible and multi-faceted.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    10:11am
    Spot on Rainey. One size never fits all.
    jackie
    13th Apr 2016
    9:39am
    I think teaching what is a healthy relationship and the consequences of an unhealthy relationship should be taught at all schools levels for both sexes. This would help children that are being abused as well as educating those from dysfunctional family backgrounds. It could be incorporated with a sex and parenting education curriculmn.
    Penqueen1949
    13th Apr 2016
    10:01am
    Jackie I totally agree with you.
    MITZY
    13th Apr 2016
    10:21am
    I agree Jackie, in fact I was not paying great attention to a news item recently, but I believe this method has started to take effect in some schools.
    JAID
    13th Apr 2016
    10:48am
    The only problem I see Jackie lies in the potential for the 'teaching,' whether via curriculum or limited individual vision, to become ignorant of the diversity of relationships that are at play. When emotion and morality is involved, in that philospophical rigour would not be expectable, example may have the best formative impact on an individual finding their place.

    Exposure to cause and effect is valuable while subjection of the individual to externally established morality may actually aid blindness to aware and respectful behaviour.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    10:57am
    Glad we agree that the issue is more complex than the nightly news headlines, terrible as they are.
    Boomah52
    13th Apr 2016
    11:40pm
    At primary school which is now almost totally run by women, where all the emphasis is on females and their results? I looked through a local paper recently and there were seven articles and adverts for schools - a small male in between taller girls was featured in one advert lol. Think we have a problem now...
    ex PS
    20th Apr 2016
    6:38pm
    Jackie, I don't disagree, but will ask, just how much are we going to push onto to teachers. Surely respect for other individuals within our society should be taught from birth by the parents.
    Teachers have enough on their plates just trying to teach our overpriveledged little princes and princesses how to read and write without having to teach them the basics of how to function within society.
    I can imagine the outrage that will be heaped upon teachers from heicopter parents if they were to sugest that their perfect little darlings needed to exercise some control over behaviour.
    Ted Wards
    13th Apr 2016
    9:39am
    As a victim of family abuse as well as domestic violence in my marriage I can tell you exactly whose fault it is. Its everyones. As a society we allow violence to be the norm. Look at movies, look at news, look at television, look at video games and leisure in general. In what part of society do we not allow violence to be the norm? It has nothing to do with your gender , it is your conditioning as you grow up. Violence has always happened in Australian homes, the difference is now we talk about it.

    Mick your right in that its your surroundings and your peer group and family. It was even allowed in schooling until the 1980's. However you need to get over this feminist thing you have going on. Mick its now 2016 and its ok for women to have a voice and stand up for themselves. If it was your mother or your sister being abused by say your father (and i hope this never happened) and your mother stood up for herself would you call her a feminist and then let the violence happen? I would hope not mate.

    Abuse doesnt just happen, its allowed to occur. It happens in the mind first along the lines of your gonna get a smack if you don't stop. Who are you to even think you have the right to think like that? Who taught you that its ok to act like that? Violence is never the answer and never will be but how do you stop hundreds of years of teaching when its everywhere. Women and men are not to blame individually, its society and its structures that allow violence to permeate every area of our lives and make it normal that is to blame. Lets stop pointing fingers, talking and just do something real about it. But like most issues that focus on women its just endless talk, media articles to keep people in the public eye and make it seem like they might actually do something.
    Lets start by banning all violence in every sort of media, lets get rid of shows like criminal minds that teach people how to be violent and stop shows like how to commit a murder. Why are we teaching future generations how to perpetuate violence. Now we have 22 year olds smothering their children and burning them and doing all sorts. Why? Because violence is now a way of life well embedded into our society.
    SO no individuals are not to blame whatever their sex is. Its our society and the way we live thats to blame, where violence is acceptable and condoned and its easy to blame the victim.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    10:33am
    You need to replay the Q&A from earlier in the week and listen to Greer. She, as always, shows a total hatred of men and her view is not worth a cracker on this sort of topic. That is all that I was trying to say.
    I agree with pretty well everything else.
    Richied
    13th Apr 2016
    12:36pm
    I agree with all (but one) of your comments Ted. Ms Greer is extremely vocal about her feminism, and her writings make it clear that she believes 'men are the problem' (in almost all instances).
    HarrysOpinion
    13th Apr 2016
    2:25pm
    Ted Wards I agree with most of what you state, in particular "As a society we allow violence to be the norm. Look at movies, look at news, look at television, look at video games and leisure in general"
    The problem is, how and when do we stop them from influencing conducts of violence? Do we stop teaching children the world's history where violence has shaped the evolution of humankind? Do we stop all sports where everyone expects a challenge - fight so that one person or one team are the winners? I don't think we can stop this even if kids are taught at a very early age what is good and what is bad.The only way to stop violence is to reprogram every person's brain. This may have to be the enforced reality in the distant future.
    Pat D
    13th Apr 2016
    10:04am
    I disagree entirely with you Ted.
    It is only the individual's issue.
    There are probably as many women guilty of DV as men but more cases would go unreported as it would be embarrassing for most men to admit being a victim.
    It's unlikely any meaningful action plan will come out of the commission report as it will most likely be a one size fits all approach (as you say Rainey).
    The only way is for each perpetrator to take responsibility for their actions and to seek help to deal with the issues that gave rise to the DV. This help is available from a lot of sources (Men's Line etc) and is the only way to solve the problem.
    Perhaps the government could enable the police to force repeat offenders who will not seek help of their own volition to do so.
    The important point is that it is down to each individual not society regardless of its impact on the problem.
    At least Q & A sparked a valuable discussion.
    Me Myself and I
    13th Apr 2016
    10:16am
    Until someone discovers the complexity of thoughts in the human brain that sets off the trigger to violent actions , this question will never be answered.
    It could be something as small and insignificant as an innocent look or comment, or something that has built up over a long period of time and been released.
    It's become a fact that people in general have lack of control .
    Anger has no patience, and the world in general wants to lash out in frustration..
    My personal view is there is no difference as to who is at blame, women are becoming just as aggressive as men ,and all the discussions in the world isn't going to stop the escalating violence that seems to hit the headlines daily.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    10:36am
    And social engineering through media, peer groups and blatant advertising.
    Happy cyclist
    13th Apr 2016
    10:18am
    Violence of any kind, in any situation is NEVER acceptable but as long as TV and sports are full of sanctioned violence we are not going to get it out of our society. In many cases, the very violent in TV shows and movies are seen as heros. Feed people violence and they will be violent.
    Happy cyclist
    13th Apr 2016
    10:20am
    PS: I adore Germaine Greer.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    10:38am
    If you adore Germaine Greer then you must subscribe to the female version of misogyny...whatever that word is.
    I do agree with your first post though....and add in the demise of church and a belief system which kept us all on a different road to the one most people travel today.
    Happy cyclist
    13th Apr 2016
    10:55am
    Mick, I can adore a person without agreeing with everything she/he says. I adore GG because she is very courageous in that she never backs away from the bullies. She has a razor sharp intellect and has contributed so much to 'the debate' over the years. There are quite a few things she has said which I don't actually agree with but when I give them some serious thought I almost always find myself changing my own position, even slightly, so she is someone who I feel can challenge our imbeded prejudices and helps us grow. I was in the audience 2 or 3 years ago at ANU when she spoke without notes for nearly two hours and I consider it one of the most interesting couple of hours of my life!
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    11:02am
    I agreed with some other issues Greer talked about in the same program.
    What I find obnoxious is that Greer hates men with a passion and there is no logic to this. Were Greer a man (???) she would not be tolerated and would not be asked back onto live media!
    Happy cyclist
    13th Apr 2016
    11:17am
    Mick, I don't think GG does hate men. In fact I believe that she has many close male friends. I think initially she wrote a book which resonated with so many women because it described their less than satisfactory lives. This piece of lucky timing coupled with a sharp intellect meant that she became a spokesperson for women and women's issues and she has run with that. And sometimes she has some harsh things to say about the situation of men versus women. But really, I see no evidence at all that she 'hates men with a passion' whereas I do see she hates the inequity of certain situations.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    11:47am
    Never heard her say a nice thing about men. Ever. Always blame for everything bad in life.
    We'll have to agree to disagree on this one.
    Richied
    13th Apr 2016
    1:02pm
    Some quotes from Germaine Greer:

    "Is it too much to ask that women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate?"

    "I find that those men who are personally most polite to women, who call them angels and all that, cherish in secret the greatest contempt for them." (The Female Eunich)

    "The most unpardonable privilege that men enjoy is their magnanimity." (The Madwoman's Underclothes) - I guess in context this is okay, but I would have thought magnanimity was a good thing.

    "The few men who do a hand's turn around the house expect gratitude and recognition." (The Whole Woman)

    "I think that testosterone is a rare poison." (ref: womenshistory.about.com)

    I've found many more quotes, and struggle to find one that implies that any man is good.
    TREBOR
    15th Apr 2016
    3:38pm
    According to La Greer on Monday night, 'misogyny' has moved on from being a psychiatrically identifiable problem to being a catch-all for anything that might even suggest not giving a woman what she wants or thinks she wants.

    Bastardising the English language to suit feminist mythology is not going to help, since the way it is done is another escalation in the conflict zones between men and women.

    I have long stated that the continuing imposition on men is the major factor in several ways in the escalation of overall violence. Firstly handing to women the power to call cops for no real reason (in 2011, only 5% of callouts to police in NSW for 'dv incidents' resulted in a charge) and use them and the courts as bully boys is violence itself writ large; secondly to do so invites retaliation and revenge and actually creates the environment in which these are more likely to occur; continue escalation by endlessly re-defining what is allegedly 'domestic violence' and allowing those standards to ONLY be applied to 'male v female' is a disaster in waiting. Now there is the spectre of some idiots in parliaments sucking up to the vocal feminist vote by perhaps decreeing that any man accused, with or without proof, will be incarcerated immediately to 'preserve the peace'. What more violent abrogation of Rights and Law could there be, and what could possibly be more insulting and thus tending to deliver the exact outcome it is allegedly seeking to prevent?

    Everyone needs to not generate more and more violence against men as the chosen means to avoid violence (an oxymoron) - but to step back, do a solid review of the undeniable reality that since that violence was set in place against primarily men - violence overall has escalated in every way including by the State against the individual - and find real answers.

    The primary cause of revolution is insult.... I've been down that path with people many times over this issue specifically.
    fedup
    13th Apr 2016
    10:20am
    What is happening with the system? I have a friend whose husband has had 23 breaches of an AVO and only go 90 house of community service?? three years waiting to get to a court for settlement financially and family law court still no outcome. The reason our court system is so stuffed up is because vacancy's in the legal system haven't been filled by the state Government so victims wait years to have closure. How fair is that?
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    10:40am
    Your account is an area where society has been let down for decades. The courts have become places where suspended sentences are the norm because there is nowhere to house criminals and it costs us all to incarcerate. So they are effectively let off.
    Priscilla
    13th Apr 2016
    10:33am
    Well my ex husband always told me it was my fault and that was long before the internet came into being in he 90s!
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    1:06pm
    Sad.
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    12:32am
    Was he right?

    Just asking.... have you done a full review of your own actions and approaches to things?
    ex PS
    18th Apr 2016
    10:04pm
    TREBOR, there is no justification for repeated domestic violence, as a proud man if I hit my wife once I would feel compelled to leave the residence and never come back. I would see it as one of my biggest failures. Cowards who pick on those weaker than them do so because they think they can get away with it.
    It is easier for a man to walk away from a situation than it is for a woman especially if kids are involved.
    Unless your life is in danger I can think of no instance where a man who beats a woman is not an A Grade coward.
    Easy Rider
    13th Apr 2016
    10:38am
    Rarely is the situation where the female is the main aggressor addressed. I have known numerous men, who over many years who have/had been treated worse than the family dog by the wife/partner in the relationship. I myself was, over more than 20 years, the victim of mental and physical abuse by my first wife. I stayed as long as I could because I loved my 4 kids. I was much physical bigger than my wife and could have dealt with the verbal abuse, the spitting in my face and the slapping and punching, with violence, but I tried very hard to hold back. The things my then wife would say to me would feel life a knife stab to the heart. Just a sudden noise or cough from her would send an involuntary startle response through me. No...not in all cases of domestic violence is the man the perpetrator.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    10:47am
    Women normally do not perpetrate physical assaults on their partners as they as the weaker sex is generally not able to achieve this.
    In the whole debate for this issue the effects of verbal and psychological attacks over long periods of time are never talked about. It is about time the issue was properly discussed rather than the media focus which is always on the final result....which is of course unacceptable in 2016.
    JAID
    13th Apr 2016
    11:39am
    True Mick, there is an urgency in stamping out damaging physical violence but an appropriate discussion would go much deeper bringing home a broader set of responsibilities.

    By the way, I dissagree with you regarding Greer. I think the swipes at males are a little superficial arising from the focus of her life review but beyond these her views seem quite balanced, the result of a fair degree of scientific rigour. The core interest she has lies in equality for women. She does appear to accept that differences exist and that equality may look different. She appears to see males as the primary obstruction to that equality and even if this is superficial in the sense that all individuals bear responsibility for their liberty it probably has practical relevence.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    11:48am
    Maybe JAID but I have been listening to Greer for several decades. It is pretty clear that she blames men for everything bad in life. NEVER heard a kind comment from her in that regard....but maybe I have missed that interview.
    Richied
    13th Apr 2016
    1:07pm
    Unfortunately, society (and the courts) do not put much weight on psychological abuse, either in the home or elsewhere.

    In companies, there are now rules around harassment and bullying, but these are generally looked at subjectively as it is difficult to put an objective measure on them.

    JAID: You mention 'scientific rigour'. Ms Greer has absolutely no scientific or sociological training. Her degree, masters and PhD are all in literature.
    JAID
    13th Apr 2016
    1:20pm
    Fair comment Richied. The badge was lightly applied. Having followed her since 1970 I was aware of her background but wanted to suggest in her thinking a certain type of balance which I take from the last 45 years of watching her management of ideas.
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    12:36am
    Seriously, mick - studies show the opposite to be true - women initiate 62% of physical confrontations and take 62% of the casualties as a result.... an interesting figure....

    Any man who has lived with a woman can tell you that.... having knives thrown at you, faces slapped, punches and kicks delivered, threats of castration while you sleep, verbal abuse to the max, etc.. these are not 'domestic violence'? Or are they only 'domestic violence' when delivered by Men?

    I've posted these studies time and again..... including that in non-reciprocal violence in relationships women predominate...
    Rosret
    13th Apr 2016
    11:14am
    Its interesting. My only experience with someone who I didn't suspect of violent behaviour even though I knew was quick tempered. He was cross at himself for doing the wrong thing earlier in the day and turned his whiplash anger on me as his hands flew around my neck when I tucked myself into bed for the night. I snapped him out of it by raising the bedside lamp to hit him on the head. As I did so the light came on and he instantly let go. The next morning there was no sorry, in fact he had an air of powerfullness. That was the last day of our relationship. What surprised me even more was when I went to tell a girlfriend, "Oh, I don't want to hear about that!" - I almost instantly felt as though I was guilty of something and I never told anyone else even though my throat was bruised and I could scarcely speak for a week. It was a horrible feeling and I can only sympathise with anyone who gets stuck in that sort of relationship.
    JAID
    13th Apr 2016
    11:50am
    Well done on the aim to whack him on the head. The next morning 'air of powerfullness' is beyond understanding though. The basis of the girlfriend's reaction is not clear to me but it is terrible that you somehow felt guilty.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    11:56am
    Sorry you were tied up with the wrong type of man.
    FYI perpetrators are always sorry after the event and promise to never do it again. They nearly always do.
    My daughter has recently gone through this with a guy I warned her about before she tied the knot. It causes me considerable pain but what can I do when people ignore the obvious. I do not think I would be alone here.
    Anonymous
    13th Apr 2016
    4:01pm
    Right Mick, women need a wake up call too and take some responsibility. Not long ago on ABC there was a program where a woman was being abused by her partner, then got pregnant and then married him and on it went! Crazy!! I'm sure that this is not a one off yet for some reason women still go ahead and marry their abusers because they don't want to be alone. Well being alone is a lot better then being dead! The first time a man hits a woman the woman should call it off, forget the apologies that he will never do it again. And if they are stupid enough to give him a second chance and it happens again, that's it! GET OUT! No ifs, no buts, and out before you breed a few kids and get in too deep.
    andromeda143
    13th Apr 2016
    12:08pm
    Men have it inbred in them from birth and by our culture that they must dominate everyone else, both other men and their own women. It is all about control. Many men feel that unless they can control how their wives and daughters think, act and feel they are failures as men. I do not know if it is genetic, but it certainly is culturally ingrained and is very hard to eradicate. However, eradicated it must be and education is by far our best approach (backed up by law of course).
    JAID
    13th Apr 2016
    1:10pm
    Andromeda, you think that women don't as often try to control how their chidren think, act and feel?

    There are those of each gender who are able leave it to example and their own discovery to input into their children's growth but they seem incredibly rare. I wish I could be one but when either son or daughter hit each other or call each other names (each do rarely but do) I do feel obliged to instruct them in what I believe appropriate behaviour.

    Male domination seems a partial world at best to me. It probably seemed so to a lot of the many Cleopatras, to Elizabeth 1, Dame Margaret and probably to roughly half the population too.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    1:11pm
    "Education" on everything is what the pollies always trot out. Whilst this becomes the next cat-o-nine-tails for the teaching profession it is the easy out for politicians who create more problems than they solve and more work for teachers who already are the public whipping boys for everything wrong on the planet.
    For the record I am an extremely competitive sort of person but have NEVER hit my wife or any woman. Ever.
    Your claim sounds more like a lament from Germaine Greer than a discussion of the problem andromeda.
    Richied
    13th Apr 2016
    1:21pm
    I contend that ALL animals (and humans), regardless of gender, have inbred desire to dominate. The mechanisms used for dominance are different - males generally resort to physical dominance because generally they are physically stronger, whereas females generally resort to psychological dominance because generally they are psychologically superior.

    Take the bird of paradise - the male has the plumage and the physical stamina to clear an area and dance, whereas in fact the female has the power as she chooses the mate. One could argue the same is seen with men pumping iron and buying flashy cars to demonstrate their power and prowess in an attempt to score a mate, but it is the woman who more often chooses.
    TREBOR
    15th Apr 2016
    11:45pm
    I'm glad I'm different. My daughter was always treated the same as my son and encouraged to have her own mind and thoughts....

    It's called trusting your own children to know and see right from wrong after viewing their parent's examples ... and mine have done very well.

    Parenting is a partnership with your children..... just saying...
    Pamiea
    13th Apr 2016
    12:39pm
    Having been on the receiving end of domestic violence I assure you its not funny (AND IT HURTS PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY AND LEAVES ITS SCARS). Men are generally far stronger than women. Personally I think they should be jailed for say three months depending on the severity or have to do compulsory counselling. I eventually left with a 16month old baby on my hip and a loan of $500 never to return and to struggle along alone as a single parent for years. Would I want to go through all that again NEVER!
    KSS
    13th Apr 2016
    1:18pm
    Let me say at the outset that family/partner/domestic violence by men or women is NOT ok. It must be talked about, it must be dealt with and it must be stopped.

    Now, I have some niggling doubts about the apparent prevalence of 'domestic violence'. Before you all go hurtling for the keyboard, just hold your horses. Think for a minute about something from the other day where I mentioned that I am concerned about the medicalising of normal human responses e.g. no one is sad any more they are "depressed", no one is nervous about something they suffer an "anxiety disorder", there are no more naughty, disobedient or just very active children any more they are all on the "autism spectrum". Everyone could claim to have a mental health issue these days! Equally we could list other areas where over zealous do-gooders have appropriated the issues. Lets take child abuse, no child is ever 'punished' they are abused either physically (a smack on the bum) or emotionally (being told 'no'), young teens can up and leave home claiming child abuse or domestic violence when they have not suffered either - more likely they were prevented from running amok in some way and simply didn't want to comply with the 'house rules'. And even in domestic violence, people don't have arguments or rows anymore they are victims of verbal or emotional domestic violence - someone calls the police and the 'system' with all its faults, swings into action.

    The problem with this over diagnoses is that the rest of society eventually switches off, no longer hears and the real victims go unprotected. We need to stop automatically blaming men for all the world's ills. We need to put the blame where it belongs, on those who commit the crimes be they men or women. Those that aid and abet them are equally guilty of allowing the situation to continue and yes that includes the 'victims' be they men or women as well as people who know what is happening and do nothing. We need to stop being apologists for our own actions and those of others. We need to look at these issues squarely (and fairly), look at the real causes and do something about it.

    Until we can have a discussion about these things without it degenerating into a gender war and politically corrected expressions of opinion and failure to address uncomfortable truths, we will never be able to change society and how it views individuals, relationships, or the community as a whole.

    Now go for your life. I'm waiting!
    JAID
    13th Apr 2016
    1:26pm
    Sounds fair to me.
    MICK
    13th Apr 2016
    1:32pm
    A pretty good post KSS.
    Nice when you avoid the right wing propaganda and I have to honestly say I agree with your view.

    13th Apr 2016
    2:13pm
    who is to blame? as the article says, "Of the cases reported, the vast majority of perpetrators are men, and their victims are women and children."

    another reason for this slaughter is marriage. the human mammal is not made for monogamy, and women especially, need to be able to choose a large variety of lovers to satisy their needs.

    there would be a lot less violence if both women and men were independent and free from the burden of marriage. no wonder it is called wedLOCK.
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    12:42am
    So are you advocating that women be totally independent and able to just choose anyone they want at any time for a fling, and that any outcome is the total responsibility of the woman?

    The problem I see is this - for thousands of years human society has been organised around the concept that the best survival for the group has been a monogamous relationship between men and women, as opposed to the the natural bent of men to get wenches with child, and the natural bent of women to accept that as normal.

    The problem with that is that this results in a high rate of child death from many causes.... and thus was born the idea that a 'family' was the best guarantee of survival of the children, and thus of the perpetuation of the group.

    Put simply, a child prospers better in the care of two caring parents..... and if you wish to be a positive and active member of society..... you need to curtail your natural desire to be a slut.....

    Just saying.....
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    12:46am
    It's called allowing your mind to rule over your natural inclinations.... something that 'feminists' simply have zero idea of, since they feel that 'a woman's sexuality' should prevail over everything.... but only as long as somebody else carries the can.

    When you are prepared to accept impregnation at your whim and then accept total responsibility for the outcome... they we can talk...

    Until then you ain't nothin' but a mouth-runnin', swamp-runnin' Nigger....

    I LOVE arguing with 'feminists'.......
    Paddles
    13th Apr 2016
    2:13pm
    It must be a cold day in Cairo as, in general, I totally agree with Mick's original contribution. Like him, I believe that there is NEVER an excuse for violence toward women but there may be contributory reasons such as constant whinging and criticism to a point where a man "snaps".
    That said, I feel that domestic and other violence is yet another manifestation of the breakdown of the social fabric which governed the way I, and those of my generation ,were raised. It is evident in our streets, schools, universities etc and is the logical result of the norms and standards imposed by our modern social engineers. To the extent that I am right in thinking this then I will never see a turn around in this sorry state because it will need several generations to correct, even if we were to start right now.
    Given that our spineless Governments consider it to be a mortal sin to "offend" anyone, there is literally no hope and it further pleases me that I am as old as I am.
    Travellersjoy
    13th Apr 2016
    2:22pm
    Ms Greer is correct.

    Too many people make judgements based on a single example of 'someone I know', and generalise it to everyone, on ignorance of what is really happening in the private lives of others, of self righteousness, superiority and shocking incapacity for empathy, and from being male and feeling entitled.

    We can only judge by the results, which are pretty unequivocal. Mostly, men hurt women, mostly women and children get hurt often seriously, and when people are killed they are almost always women and children.

    You tell me why a man would murder his own children.

    Families should stop bringing up girls with romantic fantasies about princes, when all they can marry is an ordinary man. Teach her how to pick the wrong-uns.

    Families should stop teaching boys they can have a slave to service them, when all they can marry is an ordinary woman, and slavery is illegal. Teach him how to care about and respect women.

    It is not ok to make a mess of our society then blame the victims. The victims are not the bloke with the gun, hammer and bruised fists, but the women and children he believes he can master. No masters! No slaves!

    Teach parents how to bring up civilised mature young people instead of bullies and romantic victims.
    Richied
    13th Apr 2016
    2:43pm
    Why would a woman murder her own children? (Sorry, you made a generalisation that only men do that). http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-04-12/woman-charged-with-murder-of-melbourne-toddler-sanaya-sahib/7320842
    TREBOR
    15th Apr 2016
    11:52pm
    Yea-usshh - Travellersjoy - and Ms Greer does exactly the same thing, but has no real idea that she is doing so...

    FYI - children are murdered at a rate seven times more by their mother, with or without the intrusion of her chosen 'new lion in the pride' - than they are by their natural father.

    This year the figures are about 10-1 in favour of the MOTHER killing her own child or children...

    Rosie Batty sought to address the issues of FAMILY violence and not the feminised version that dovetails so neatly with the views of Germaine Greer that 'women are always victims of a male dominated society and men are always the perpetrators' - but was waylaid and basically told that to sustain her position she had to toe the line....

    Disgusting...... and in no way addresses the real issues involved in FAMILY violence, but rather perpetuates what is the main problem - the use of violence against men as a pre-emptive strike to 'prevent' violence, similar to Japan attacking Pearl Harbour in order to prevent war in the Pacific.

    Purest insanity.
    kevinc
    13th Apr 2016
    3:07pm
    Why is it, every time domestic violence is discussed its always the guy at the fault of everything, never a discussion how violent women can be. Im sick of the one sided reporting and blame. I was married for to long to a woman who could only resolve issues with violence.
    domestic violence is not a gender issue, women are more that capable of dishing out as good as they get, incessant nagging, slapping a mans face, verbal vilification of your partner, destroying of loved personal property is all domestic violence, and women are experts at it. what should be taught at schools is respect for one another, ,not all males
    are potential woman bashers. KC.
    Richied
    13th Apr 2016
    3:14pm
    Yep, and 80% of all suicides are male, with one of the main triggers being unhelpful conceptions of masculinity generally from the partner. This is not (currently) seen as an outcome of domestic violence.
    Easy Rider
    13th Apr 2016
    3:44pm
    Agree totally kevinc. One of the factors in "domestic violence" is the physical size of the male compared to the woman. Obviously the man is usually bigger. Some women have learned the art of vivacious verbal attacks and constant neverending, nasty soul destroying verbal abuse. As a wise person once noted..."even water will eventually wear away stone." A woman can brutalize a man with actions and words over many years...which can in some cases can cause a man to snap and react violently physically. It's not right ....but it happens. I for one was on the receiving end of face slapping, spitting in my face, full force punching by a strong woman, and vicious verbal abuse (as well as numerous acts of marital infidelity)....and sad to say, I snapped more than once.
    JayUK
    13th Apr 2016
    3:32pm
    There are times when I feel so frustrated by my husband's stubborn refusal to accept that he has lied over facts proving that he was in the wrong that if I had a violent streak I'm sure I could be tempted to lash out. I've learnt over the years to just accept that pride or whatever makes him hold on to lies but just hope that deep down he accepts the truth of evidence.

    I sometimes wonder whether, as it's normally in women's nature to nurture, perhaps often we can see a problem at the beginning of a relationship but think we can manage to change the man. That can cause frustrations on both sides.
    bebby
    13th Apr 2016
    5:34pm
    JayUK, a female relative of mine married a heavy "social" drinker and thought he would change once married. He didn't, and she suffered years of violence. The trigger for his abuse was alcohol.
    I think you will find that no matter how much time and money goes into trying to find solutions to domestic violence, recognition must be given to alcohol as a major cause.
    TREBOR
    15th Apr 2016
    11:56pm
    I've been out on my own tonight, without the company of my ex for whom I am carer, and I've imbibed copious draughts of the finer brews. No way am I violent or 'domestically violent' - yet upon arrival at home I am subjected to criticism and vitriol because the TV was left on last night when I went to bed....

    Seeing as I am pretty pissed right now and just brushed that off.. who exactly is the perpetrator of 'dv' here?

    Just asking....
    JoMojo
    13th Apr 2016
    4:15pm
    Unfortunately too many men and women cling to the old steriotype. Mum & Dad and kids. Mums stay home don't work rely on Dad. I advise young women these days ....being a mother and wife is NOT the be all and end all to life. There are other things. I tell women go get a good education, next work experience, then buy say small apartment of your own on your own or with another relative/sibling or rent one room. Become independent and confident. Then find the partner of your dreams who will share all with equal responsibility. Keep upgrading skills online while at home with baby/s.

    We absolutely need more shelters social housing so that the victims have somewhere with a roof over their heads to flee to. The reason they stay on is no where else to go.
    Gra
    13th Apr 2016
    5:00pm
    And nothing will change while victims of Domestic Violence keep inviting the perpetrator back into their life. Time and time again I have seen instances where police will attend a report of DV, take the report, obtain a AVO for the victim requiring the offender to stay away from the victim and to have no contact with them. A couple of days later the victim is calling up again because they have been assaulted again and it comes to light that THEY invited the offender back into the house. How do you help people like that?
    There is also the supposed victim who calls police with allegations they have been assaulted but when police attend there aren't any visible signs of the victim having been assaulted and they refuse to make a complaint. The question arises again, how do you help them?
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    12:13am
    Are you discussing men and women - and men or woman here?

    I was in court defending an absurd traffic matter once - the case before mine was some guy who had allowed his ex back in HIS house when she was broke etc.... and she ate up his food and such... and when he told her to leave, he had the cops called and was handed an AVO.

    Now tell me what that was all about?

    You are locked in the idea that every 'complaint' involves some form of actual violence, even when there are no indications of such - hello - it's called PROOF and EVIDENCE.

    If I complain that some king-hitter attacked me on the street... and had nothing to show... how do you expect the police to determine that an assault took place at all?

    So if some bloke calls the cops and says his missus attacked him with a knife and stabbed him.... and there is no wound....

    HELLO....

    You get where we're going here, Gra? No evidence - no conviction - no evidence - absolutely no 'right' or privilege of the police or the courts to intervene with violence against the accused.

    That is precisely why the current handling of 'domestic violence' is fatally flawed and is nothing more than a total abrogation of legal and civil rights of the person accused.

    In 1992, when the NSW Law Reform Commission was doing their
    pillow-biting to install 'laws' that imposed sanctions on an accused without proof as their chosen approach to 'domestic violence - I was one of two dissenting views - one of the bases on which I dissented was that any GENUINE act of violence was already actionable as an assault... and thus the imposition of an order of the court in the absence of any proven wrong was itself an act of violence by the State, and was unacceptable.

    In the final washup - the opposing views such as mine were listed as - "There were two dissenting views."

    Now - when you consider that the 'domestic violence laws' set in place were for the deliberate intent of allowing, by REGULATION and not Law, the police to remove firearms from any person accused of the massively broadly 'defined' (defined as any complaint made) 'domestic violence', under the regime of zero proof installed at that time.....

    You getting there yet?

    Put simply - illegal acts of violence by courts and police were put in place, under the sheep's clothing of 'preventing violence against women' - by installing violence against men not proven to have committed any wrong.... and purely so as to afford to the State the 'right' to steal their firearms.

    Never - anywhere - has a more socio-fascist action been taken.. and nowhere apart from every tyrannical society in history - has such a blatant violent act to curtail rights of the ordinary citizen been taken.

    But I guess many of you missed that in the never-ending soap opera of 'poor women being bashed'..... even when the majority of real victims are men and families.
    carmencita
    13th Apr 2016
    7:37pm
    Both the victim and perpetrator should be educated that it is not alright to inflict abuse and/or to tolerate it. It has been embedded in our culture for centuries that women are subject to men and their main role is to please the men in their lives as well as to breed. This is affirmed in religious teachings as well. It is quite a challenge to educate people that this is a wrong concept. Men and women are equal in their rights as human beings, in their intelligence and capabilities. The only difference lies in the reproductive aspect. Law enforcers also has to be educated in how to respond to calls for help since there is still the prevailing concept that husbands have the right to discipline their wives which usually in physical force.
    particolor
    13th Apr 2016
    7:52pm
    The net time She dongs me on the Conk with that Rolling Pin :-(, Why, I'll I'll.....
    particolor
    13th Apr 2016
    7:57pm
    carmencita... I saw the Statistics for family Violence this morning and it has increased big time ! There is truth in what you said there, but Ill say no More !!
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    12:24am
    In my humble view - domestic violence has increased because the approach to it by imposition of unlawful orders by a court in a situation where no offence has been committed is a trigger point for retaliation and revenge, and nowhere more so than when the accusation is false or based on some absurd 'definition' such as 'oh - he wouldn't let me use the credit card'

    Hidden deep within this entire nonsense of 'domestic violence' as currently handled is the very real evil that it is all about who has power in family, relationship, and even life and economic worth.

    When you slap any man about the face with a direct insult by imposing sanctions on him without him having done anything; when you permit unlimited opportunity to a woman to do that to him; when you permit unlimited and unconstrained by reason and fact impositions by courts and even violence by police...... you are not resolving the issues of violence.

    You are making them worse... and if the current insanity goes even further and men are arrested and locked up on accusation to 'preserve the peace' - I will guarantee you one thing.... a greater level of actual violence to supplement that already set in place by that very action.

    Personally I see that women need to learn to be more responsible in many ways - in choosing a 'partner'; in how they treat that 'partner'; and in how they handle their personal relationships.
    Janran
    14th Apr 2016
    12:55am
    All children should be taught about respectful relationships on the first day of school and it should continue right through school life. Leave gender out of it altogether.
    Teach how to have healthy friendships, both at school and at home.
    Teach how to identify bullies.
    Teach how to have joy. Teach that being selfish only punishes yourself in the long run.
    Teach self respect and independence.
    Count your blessings every day.
    particolor
    14th Apr 2016
    7:58pm
    And remember "She who must be Obeyed ! " :-)
    Janran
    15th Apr 2016
    2:52pm
    WTF?
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    12:27am
    Obviously not a fan of Rumpole....

    "Ah, yes.. retirement sounds good.... grow some roses.. perhaps have a small dog.... walk along the beaches..... ah yes.."

    "Did you say something, Mr Rumpole?"

    "Indeed, your Honour... I was commenting that your legal position was.. immaculately put!"
    Janran
    16th Apr 2016
    1:09pm
    A big fan of Rumpole, as it happens.
    Just wondering wtf particolor's earlier quote from Rumpole (referring to his wife as "She who must be Obeyed ! ") is doing here?
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    2:29pm
    The dynamics of most households are that the woman actually holds the power and makes the decisions... very few are equal partnerships in that sense, and can never be in reality. Woe betide the man who does not go along with SWMBO - for he will be cast into the outer darkness of the lounge etc....
    LadyLover62
    14th Apr 2016
    2:11am
    Domestic violence is nothing new, it's simply more advertised these days. Don't get me wrong I deplore violence but we can't truly blame violent video games or modem crime shows etc when these electronics are relatively new and violence in general has been around for centuries.
    As for blame or to who should be addressed and educated why even bother deciphering between gender when domestic violence is committed by both, though I agree statistics show more male offenders but I truly believe those numbers to be incorrect because more male victims would be less hasty to talk about the incidents.
    Good points on all comments but if I was to generalise my opinion would be the do gooders who have lobbied for less disciplinary rights from parents & school teachers is the basis to the whole downturn in lack of respect in a large percentage of the current younger generations. Note: I did not say all
    JAID
    14th Apr 2016
    8:31am
    LadyLover, I have an inkling also that violent games and movies have a limited effect. There is little doubt that some become either numb to violence or crazed by these but it appears to have much less effect on action than we are constantly told it does.

    Kids can come away deciding they are some sort of Terminator or Space Ranger as we may have The Lone Ranger (or if a bit younger, Bonnie) but whether a greater percentage do more than run around chasing each other with fake guns is probably the question (if they even do that any more.) Apart from the prevalence of kids chain-ganged to arms by some crazy in Africa my guess is that it may even be the other way...that is, that kids now exhibit less violence than they did even half a century ago. This decade's concern about texting may indicate violent inclinations are just moving from the physical to the mental of course.

    No science in the perception just a gut feeling.
    Johnny
    14th Apr 2016
    9:34am
    I never watch Q and A. It's just a free forum for politicians with an axe to grind. I think the following are the causes of domestic violence: alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, dug abuse, mental disorders, anger issues,child custodial issues. I salute Rosie Batty and everything she has done; I find it incredible she had the strength to campaign so vigorously whilst in the early stages of her own acute grief. She deserves the highest order Australian honours can give her. With men and boys there are 3 words which must be ingrained in them re females:respect. respect. respect. Let us not also forget that a few men are actually the victims of domestic abuse; I refer to women who play the silent treatment. Also children who are violent towards their mothers. I am an ex primary teacher and I shall always remember calling in a Mum after school one day to chat to her about her 10 year old son who was exhibiting extremely challenging and manipulative behaviours. I was appalled to see the mother had a black eye and to this day I am 99% sure this would have been inflicted by her son.
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    1:26am
    "alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, dug abuse, mental disorders, anger issues,child custodial issues"

    As long as you view those things from both 'sides' of men and women... I'm with you... BOTH engage in those behaviours.....

    "Are you an attathin?"

    Or just locked into the myth that 'domestic violence' is ONLY 'male v female'?

    Dream on.....
    Jenny
    14th Apr 2016
    3:01pm
    In my own situation, the cause of DV was extreme jealousy and a perception of ownership which has been the cause of problems throughout our marriage. The reason for not leaving was three young children, and nowhere to go, and no one to help. This of course was many years ago, when no-fault divorce hadn't even been dreamed of. In this day and age with the supports available now I and our children would have been able to live a much better life. Even so, I would still have been looking over my shoulder for a long time.

    What is so hard to understand is that when couples marry they promise to cherish each other, and I assume that this means the one they are with. That is, with the personal attributes and properties that they possess at that time. Why then do so many l try so hard to force their loved partner to change in some fundamental way? And become angry and disappointed when they don't? If you marry a young woman who is a casual, warm-hearted and down to earth person, why then become irritable if she doesn't want to act the part of sophisticated trophy wife? Or if I were to marry a young man who loves his beer and footy, why would I expect him to give this up to stay at home with me for all his leisure time? It's not reasonable, and these things can cause friction. Likewise, don't marry a tradesman and then expect to live the life of a bank manager. And then nag and belittle the efforts of someone you should care about. A lot of dissatisfaction is created by not accepting circumstances as they are, then expecting someone other than yourself to fix them.

    Another cause of significant friction lies in differing life values. Attitudes to money, child - rearing, friendships, careers, honesty and fairness can vary widely and create endless argument. If a couple don't share enough similar values it is hard to maintain respect, and respect is fundamental to a healthy relationship.
    kevinc
    15th Apr 2016
    8:47am
    well Johnny, its like this, Respect is not a given, it has to be earned, this applies to both
    sexe,s. if just teaching males to repeat the word, , it equally should be taught
    to young women. I know some women who I admire and respect, equally, I know some women who are an embarrassment to their gender.. It works both ways. KC
    JAID
    15th Apr 2016
    1:09pm
    The level of respect discussed here does work both ways. There is another level which I think we would be better off were it universally accorded. The basic respect which comes of giving others the benefit of any doubt; respect for them as humans if you like, sometimes simply called manners.

    It can be a hard road earning respect. If one were a junior clerk in a store or the like but with the capacity to quickly become CEO material their journey is likely to be much longer than it needs be. The more they are given the benefit of any dobut the faster the road will go by.

    I have experienced first a very traditional model where pace is (or would have been) slow then very much the opposite. Each workplace received a decent return no doubt but the more liberal and progressive would have been much the most decent.

    Nobody can expect anything without effort and even the most polite and aware quickly tire of lack of it but equally where opportunity is extended response can be fired.

    Males have issues or concerns, they do not have a free ride. Yet there are still places where the 'best person for the job' who didn't get it may more likely be female than male. Until that averages itself out it seems to me that we do need a reminder that discrimination exists.

    That is not to suggest there is any right way of living. Male or female when you enter a relationship you enter a family economy. As in any economy you need to negotiate an appropriate balance and you need to be free to make that balance almost any form suitiable to all the parties involved.

    If i have any problem with the whole debate about this discrimination it is that as a society we think we have some sort of right to make declarations regarding the choices of individuals who choose to be together then that we extend that to making the rest of society, its businesses and affairs cover the costs and change to suit this dogma.

    Disrespect is the crux. Violence can arise out of greed and other things but primarily it is lack of respect for individuals and the exclusivity of their affairs that drives it. Violence is not only physical and likely we are all party to it by degree. Simply, attempting to see people via a clean slate, that is, giving them the benefit of the doubt will help. it leaves things to stand on their merits rather than your preconception of likely merit.
    Janran
    15th Apr 2016
    11:50am
    Of course it works both ways.
    Who is suggesting otherwise?
    Teach self respect to children and the rest will follow.
    Respect should be a given - lead by example.
    kevinc
    15th Apr 2016
    12:37pm
    Johnny is. eg. teach boys to say respect, respect, respect,
    it equally applies to girls, they should be taught the same thing.

    as I say, take the gender out of it.

    World wide,stats. say woman account for appx 40 % of domestic violence, it would be higher ,except most males are to embarrassed
    to publicise they are vilified by their wife.

    the only male champion we have is Bettina Arndt, every one should read some of her work on the subject.
    Janran
    15th Apr 2016
    1:10pm
    Johnny also said, straight after
    "respect. respect. respect. Let us not also forget that a few men are actually the victims of domestic abuse ".
    However, I think you are right, that male victims of DV are under-reported. Abusers are famous for making their victims feel shame. No-one wants to shout from the rooftops that they have been bashed by their partner, whether they are male or female.
    TREBOR
    15th Apr 2016
    1:46pm
    In discussing FAMILY violence we firstly need to look at the overall picture and all the issues - not just the current (since 1992) approach of 'curtailing male v female violence as a first step' - a first step the discussion and actions have never gone beyond yet - other than to create an escalation in conflict zones between men and women over many issues - not least being that a man can be accused and convicted for doing nothing, which is in itself a far greater level of violence than what is 'defined' as 'domestic violence.

    The real issues also need to be looked at from both sides, not one.... since it has been shown in study after study that women are the principal INITIATORS of domestic violence, and as a result are the principal injured as a result. Starting a fight and exercising abuse and often physical assault is not the way for a woman to discuss.

    We also need to divest the discussion of the often absurd over-stretched 'definitions' of what constitutes 'violence' - in this case something that has been cast in the feminist ideology myth of 'women are all victims of a male-dominated society', and stick to issues of REAL violence.

    Lastly the approach of government via legislation to this issue needs to be stepped back from the immediate and violent use of the power of the court to impose sanction on accusation - a violent and vile abrogation of Rights and of Law. Permitting the courts and police to attack men in this way, thus removing their societal power and often creating of them 'criminals' when they are no such thing - is a surefire recipe for revolt and revolution.. and is.. as I said - itself violence writ large, and thus a total abrogation of its very own intent.

    **dons kevlar and awaits the Usual suspect reaction**
    ennui
    15th Apr 2016
    11:08pm
    Having been the victim of domestic violence --incidently i'm a male --we are ignoring reality to believe that human behavior can be changed to the extent that this horrible trait capable of being provoked in certain individuals can even be curtailed let alone eliminated.
    After a long period of provocation i was driven to the edge of retalliation but gladly had sufficient common sense left in me to walk away.Walk away from every thing i had loved,my children,my home and all i had worked so hard for during my life up until then.
    Most people involved in condemning domestic violence and fortunately for them, have never been victims and really do not fully understand what immoral behavior is possible in many individuals.My unhappy episode was in 1975 and social behavior since then has not improved.
    The emphasis is on the male as the perpetrator and while this maybe so in the final tragic act what in many cases is just the culmination cruel,immoral behavior of the female partner.
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    1:00am
    "Walk away from every thing i had loved,my children,my home and all i had worked so hard for during my life up until then"

    That I understand full well... the deepest hurt of my life was the loss of my children.....

    You are correct - most people who carry on about 'domestic violence' have never been abused, and are driven by the media nonsense that passes for discussion of the issues.

    Social behaviour will only get worse, since the entire approach to Family Violence is flawed by its addiction to feminist ideology and mythology that women are all victims just for being women, and for having to accept responsibility for personal relationships, children and home and family.

    No wonder they were kept under control for thousands of years...... allowed to free range they are destructive of all that holds society together...

    I must be one of Germaine Greer's 'misogynists'... funny thing is that Greer is not her maiden name... it is her ex-husband's name.... (la-la-la-la-la-la....)
    Janran
    16th Apr 2016
    1:29pm
    It is a terrible tragedy when a parent is denied access to their children, unless, of course, they have abused their children.

    But, TREBOR, I've got to call it when I see it, you ARE a misogynist with your comment "No wonder they (females) were kept under control for thousands of years...... allowed to free range they are destructive of all that holds society together..."

    It beggars belief!!! You need to check what you write before you post it, mate.
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    2:13pm
    Thought that Fast Eddie move would bring out the supporters of feminist Sharia...
    Janran
    16th Apr 2016
    3:21pm
    Yeah, just check out how well males are holding society together in Syria, Iran, Afghanistan, Yemen, Saudi, etc.
    Sharia central, where boys are born princes and females unpaid domestic staff (read slaves).
    I missed Fast Eddie's comment. Oh well...too bad. Past experience tells me his comments are usually steaming dog turds needing to be bagged.
    On serious subjects like DV and the lives that are ruined and lost as a result of it, we should expect sincere comments and not frivolous baiting. Shame on you both.
    TREBOR
    18th Apr 2016
    8:10pm
    What does Saudi Arabia and, for that matter, Sweden, have to do with Oz here and now?

    Told you I love arguing with feminists...
    Janran
    19th Apr 2016
    9:14am
    You brought up Sharia.

    I don't like arguing with soulless types who care about nothing and argue about everything for the sake of baiting and winning.

    Do something constructive with your talents, Trebor - you might even feel good about yourself and soothe your bitterness.

    Being intellectually smart doesn't make one happy - sometimes just the opposite.
    TREBOR
    16th Apr 2016
    12:29am
    Ah, yes - The War Of The Roses.......
    ex PS
    17th Apr 2016
    9:09pm
    Violence of any sort against anyone in a domestic situation is the sole fault of the perpetrator. It has become normalised by a society that supports the proposition that everyone has the right to do what they like without a neccessity to take responsability for their actions.
    In the case of a man beating a woman it has to come down to a coward who can't resist beating someone who can't defend themselves, I can't remember hearing of a wife beater who is violent towards someone capable of defending themselves. All men have the option of walking away from a situation, their is never a need to beat a woman.
    I come from a generation of real men, who would not tolerate one of their social group of friends beating a women, what has changed?
    JAID
    18th Apr 2016
    8:18am
    Possibly a generation a little more silent ex PS.

    Many here probably come from a similar generation and would attest that this cowardice (sometimes short-sighted exasperation) existed then whether or not at the same frequency.

    60 years ago it was a much more physical world and while manners were involved I am aware that substantial fear attached to the potential for physical savagery even where it may not have occurred. This, just like non-physical forms of violence limited liberty, potential, the pleasure and responsibility of life.

    Certainly, chivalry or good manners dictated that you don't hit a woman or for that matter someone weaker than yourself and in large circles that was ostensibly respected but cowards everywhere appreciated that the opposite was in fact the preferable, more surviveable course...that is, you only hit someone weaker than yourself or someone less likely to resort to physical response.

    I am not sure that we are any worse today. Every male here would have come to the defence of someone attacked some or many times in their life. All or many women would have done the same if by differing means. I see similar savagery and nobility in children and youth today even where the dictum may not have been instilled as it was.
    ex PS
    18th Apr 2016
    10:47am
    Well said JAID, society is not what it used to be, that is not neccessarily a bad thing as some things have changed for the better, sometimes worse.
    Thirty years ago a man would not hesitate to stop and try to help a child in distress, these days you would automatically be suspected of being a child molester, a man in this age who got in the middle of a physical altercation between a man and women could very well end up being charged with assault, it is so sad that these things have to be considered before hopefully doing the right thing.
    Your comment "A generation a little more silent", hits the mark and brings to mind a inevitable truth,"All that evil needs to prevail is for good people to do nothing".
    I may not agree with other peoples opinions at times but I welcome them, as sometimes it makes me reflect on what I believe to be the truth and see things in a different perspective.
    JAID
    18th Apr 2016
    6:19pm
    "All that evil needs to prevail is for good people to do nothing"

    Despite the sometime validity of "turn the other cheek" this is worth regading as a vital truth.

    My only concern is that societies respond to the potential for ill will by tending toward the building of barriers to them. These may stop copycat forms but unlikely more creative forms while they can stiffle adjustment and change and overwhelm individuals natural tendency to help. A positive, aware, ethical and unpredictable population on the other hand makes dangerous behaviour riskier.

    I remember two different brigades arriving at a fire on the border of their districts co-instantaneously. The owners of the two properties involved looked on in dismay as their captains proceeded to argue about who's fire it was. While the argument continued the owners quietly trotted off and put out the fire.
    Not Senile Yet!
    19th Apr 2016
    11:43am
    Do not agree with either of them!
    Most men that I know.....simply have not been taught other ways to deal with anger.....therefore they explode or implode and loose it!
    To me....those men are the ones who need help....or preventative therapies....to manage their anger/frustrations in a more positive way!
    Punishment comes after the event NOT before!
    Finding a constructive solution means enacting a pathway that allows Prevention......and to do that you need to address the mindset/attitude of the perpetraitor by encouraging them to seek help!
    Punishment alone will not address the real underlying issues!
    Crazy Horse
    19th Apr 2016
    12:20pm
    I have no problem with campaigns to end domestic violence. However as a male who was violently attacked by his wife, had surgery as a result and now lives in constant pain I strongly object to the almost exclusive female bias on this subject. Any attempt to even mention that men can be victims is met at best with disbelief. At it's worst anyone daring to suggest men might be victims too is met with shrill attacks and cries of "misogyny".

    So to pre empt that, for the record I do not hate women. Many of my best friends are women. I support the campaign to end violence against women. What I object to is the systematic denial that men can also be victims of domestic violence.

    Yes there is a major problem with domestic violence. Yes women are more likely to be physically attacked by men. However there is not even an acknowledgement that females physically attack males and are far better at some of the other categories of domestic violence than men. Yes men being relatively simple creatures often turn to physical methods. However women often turn physical and are more likely to use a weapon when they do so. I've got the scars to prove it. Women are the perpetrators in roughly half of murders of children.

    The oft quoted statistics based on victim reporting are fundamentally flawed. Men don't report attacks on them by women for a number of reasons. These include having to admit being bested by a female. Something that men have been socialised to believe is unlikely to happen.

    However more importantly, many men have no faith in government agencies, including the police and child protection. That is because these agencies use the discredited openly sexist Duluth Model to address domestic violence. The Duluth model was developed by self confessed extreme feminists. It's fundamental assumption is that all Domestic Violence is motivated by a desire of men to control women. If there is a violence problem in a relationship the man is always the perpetrator, the woman always the victim. Male victims know from the treatment other men have received that they will not get a fair hearing and that getting these agencies like the police involved will probably make the situation worse for them not better.

    The Duluth model is so flawed that its cofounder Ellen Pence wrote

    "By determining that the need or desire for power was the motivating force behind battering, we created a conceptual framework that, in fact, did not fit the lived experience of many of the men and women we were working with. The DAIP staff ... remained undaunted by the difference in our theory and the actual experiences of those we were working with ... It was the cases themselves that created the chink in each of our theoretical suits of armor. Speaking for myself, I found that many of the men I interviewed did not seem to articulate a desire for power over their partner. Although I relentlessly took every opportunity to point out to men in the groups that they were so motivated and merely in denial, the fact that few men ever articulated such a desire went unnoticed by me and many of my coworkers. Eventually, we realized that we were finding what we had already predetermined to find."

    Here is the actual definition of Family Violence from the Family Law Act. Note that it refers to "his or her" in several places.

    Family Law Act:

    "4AB Definition of family violence etc.
    (1) For the purposes of this Act, family violence means violent, threatening or other behaviour by a person that coerces or controls a member of the person’s family (the family member), or causes the family member to be fearful.
    (2) Examples of behaviour that may constitute family violence include (but are not limited to):
    (a) an assault; or
    (b) a sexual assault or other sexually abusive behaviour; or
    (c) stalking; or
    (d) repeated derogatory taunts; or
    (e) intentionally damaging or destroying property; or
    (f) intentionally causing death or injury to an animal; or
    (g) unreasonably denying the family member the financial autonomy that he or she would otherwise have had; or
    (h) unreasonably withholding financial support needed to meet the reasonable living expenses of the family member, or his or her child, at a time when the family member is entirely or predominantly dependent on the person for financial support; or
    (i) preventing the family member from making or keeping connections with his or her family, friends or culture; or
    (j) unlawfully depriving the family member, or any member of the family member’s family, of his or her liberty."

    With their superior communication skills, women's preferred method of attack is psychological assault. As I know from personal experience, that can be extremely debilitating and takes years to get over. When that is overlaid with an outright denial of protection and support from every agency it is shattering. Like many men I was met with utter disbelief and even treated as a perpetrator on several occasions.

    The only thing that got me through the darkest days was the close support of a few wonderful people both male and female for which I am eternally grateful. In particular two female co-workers. Many men don't have that support.

    I have physically intervened by giving my female neighbour sanctuary from a full on rage attack by her partner. In that case I called the police. However there is however no way I would get the police involved in a female on male attack as I know from experience that the most likely outcome would be that the male would find himself in trouble. This is because the Duluth model used by the police insists that he must be the perpetrator.

    A fundamental tenet of our society is a fair go. That demands equal treatment for everyone under law. Unless everyone believes they will receive and in fact do receive equal treatment before the law, the rule of law itself is in danger.

    The rule of law means rests on these fundamental assumptions:
    1. Everyone is equal before the law;
    2. Everyone is treated as an individual;
    3. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty;
    4. Penalties for any breach are proportionate to the offence.
    5. Action against any individual will be based on the evidence and proportionate to the facts.
    6. No one will be discriminated against because of personal characteristics including race, religion or gender.

    All men are asking for is a gender neutral approach to the problem of domestic violence based on the fundamental principle of equality for everyone.

    The issue of family violence will never be solved until the politics of division are discarded and the issue addressed holistically. It is a complex problem that will not be solved by simplistic legal and policing methods alone.

    The fact is that in most instances both parties contribute to the problem. People don't go from very much in love to hurting each other over night. The relationship deteriorates over time until eventually someone snaps. This is where programs should be aimed, at helping couples to work out their differences before they reach crisis point. Not to picking up the pieces as is currently the case. What is needed is a comprehensive gender neutral education campaign and proactive early intervention to help couples sort out their problems before someone snaps.
    ex PS
    20th Apr 2016
    6:28pm
    Crazy Horse, it should go without saying that any domestic violence laws should apply equally to both males and females. I have witnessed first hand the systematic and fraudulant use of domestic violence laws to have a good man put out of his house by a vindictive, greedy, unscrupulous woman.
    Unhappily in the eyes of some people all men are potential beaters, rapists or disrespectors of women. Unfair prejudice is hard to deal with in any circumstances.
    I am proud to say though that the gentleman in question never entertained the thought of violence to this woman and just left her to enjoy her illgotten booty. Of course after the legal costs involved neither of them ended up with much, as most of it went to pay the parasites (or should I say lawyers).
    vinradio
    17th Dec 2016
    1:57pm
    Crazy Horse, while I have not had your unfortunate experience, I don't think anyone believes that only women are the victims.Unfortunately the stats say that it is mostly men who are the perpetators, though the problem for male victims is that many won't report it for fear of been seen as not "manly". I know nothing about the Duluth Model, never heard of it, but what all should agree on that whoever the victim is, they should be supported, helped and believed.
    ennui
    19th Apr 2016
    12:31pm
    DV will continue at the same rate or even more,so long as the females experiencing this dangerous situation believe it their right to deliberately provoke,consume drugs and alcohol,have children to multiple fathers,change their partners almost as often as they change their minds and expect to have a loving caring partner when the ones they choose are equally stupid as they.DV of this sort contributes to a large percentage of reported cases.
    How to prevent DV in a relationship between a normal reasoning couple is beyond me.
    ex PS
    19th Apr 2016
    2:45pm
    DVv does not occure between normal reasonong people. Blaming the victum is too easy.
    The blame belongs to the perpetrator and no one else, it is just as easy for a man to walk away as to use their fists and it shows a certain maturity that will be taken into consideration in any consequential court cases.
    JAID
    21st Apr 2016
    8:35am
    exPS's is the only way togo ennui. The situation may be impossible to grasp in a rational light, it would usually be complicated by raw emotion often predicated on missunderstanding and there may be dependents involved that you wish to shield from effect yet, if one can only attempt to manage that by physical force they must walk away. Walk away, seek assistance so that the dependents are not harmed and enlist help and or communication to re-balance the situation positively if it still means something to you.

    We have severely mishandled partnership relations and a much better understanding needs to be applied where Law or even social more is involved. Likewise with media and educational response if those are to rise much above abuse in themselves. Physical violence is, however, no starting measure at all.
    JAID
    21st Apr 2016
    8:59am
    We have probably come to the end of this conversation. It is interesting to not a particular preponderance of respondants. Out of all of comments a couple things stand out.

    None or very few see physical violence as justifiable, possibly understandable but in no way acceptable.

    The catch-cry "blaming the victim" really has no purchase. This is because there is broad recognition here (though perhaps not in other circles) that there are always more than one participant in every relationship situation. It is undeniably true that more than one are involved and in that the view that violence is unacceptable accompanies it a rational appreciation would respect that it is an attempt to understand; that there is no necessary link between comments about the 'victim' and physical violence brought upon them. it is a furphy justifying the status quo interpretation.

    Ms Greer's interpretation actually seems closer to the point. Where violence exists it is indicative of a kind of hate. The word is actually too strong for normal relationships with normal emotional swings but it does encompass something of the lows which respect can go to. That has to go very low for one knowing they have superiority in physical strength to use it to force compliance.

    To attempt balance then, the 'disrespect' also has to go very low where anybody uses any tool they have superior capablity with to force compliance of their partner.

    Recognition of that low state is what is required whether fix or flight is the result.
    ennui
    19th Apr 2016
    5:45pm
    Yes PS I agree,but the problem will still exist until such time that most of us are "all reasonable reasoning people".
    Settle down for a loooooooong wait
    ex PS
    21st Apr 2016
    9:38am
    Absolutley correct, maybe a good stsrt will be to get parents to actually parent, instead of pushing the task ontoteachers and the police.
    I learnt about the law and the importance of rules from school, the Army and the media.
    My moral compas and sense of ethical behaviour came from my parents.
    kevinc
    20th Apr 2016
    9:30pm
    Be aware, its about to begin again . 35million dollars, to be spent portraying males beating
    up on women. you may ask where is all this funding coming from and why is always a one sided view. you will see it, out of control males, in total rage, belting woman and this is because in Australia we have a culture of belting up women,.?? from an early age.
    Give me strength . Its run by women , of course. Did you know we have a gov. minister for women, tax funded, naturally, bu there is no minister for men. How is that equal.?

    there will be no Tv adv, depicting the violence being perpetrated by a woman on a man
    eg. taking a hammer to his loved musical instrument, verbal abuse, belittling vilification,
    the silent, no cooking, lock out of bedroom treatment, the throwing of utensils, etc etc,

    after all you are a male, so man up.. domestic violence is not a specific gender issue.
    KC.
    ex PS
    21st Apr 2016
    9:29am
    kevinc, I partially agree, I have seen the one sided view used in favour of women in the court system destroy a good man and I have been deprived of the chance to bring up my son as the prime carer because I was a male.
    In none of these circumstances was violence considered, the man who walks away from a conflict in order to preserve self respect and protect the wellbeing of his children is "Manning Up".
    I agree with you wholeheartedly in one respsect, domestic violence protection should not be just for women it should be for evertone.
    As for having a Minister for Men, why would you want that? I don,t want the government messing with life any more than I have to.
    Not Senile Yet!
    26th Apr 2016
    6:58pm
    If you approach this with a Blame Mentality....then of course you are looking for one Culprit!!!
    But what if both are Culprits in different ways?????
    What if one is deliberately throwing fuel onto the Fire?????
    Words thrown in the heat of the moment can be the equivalent of fists or arrows if directed accurately by either party!!!
    There is such a thing as a Love/Hate Relationship.....been there done that!
    But what I discovered.....after leaving......was that I was just as guilty as my partner.....as through ignorance I made matters worse!!!!
    Both sexes can and do just that!
    The trained Counsellors helped to understand not just my own motivation and views but also that of my ex-partners! Divorce is worse than death! Why???
    Because your Ex is always there to haunt you and remind you of your failure!!!!
    But to fix me it took my Mum's view......if you cannot be each others best friend first and then lovers second......you are better off apart......and so are your kids!!!!
    Each and every Domestic Violence is a Separate Turmoil......punishing either side is not the Solution......just as blaming isn't the answer!
    Time Society realised that Punishment alone never works....never fixes anything!
    Separation may be necessary......but education and understanding oneself......may bring a less violent solution......creating respect for each other's rights as individuals......which never change just because there are two instead of one!!!!
    JAID
    26th Apr 2016
    8:20pm
    Nice post. Your mum's view is worth airing.
    vinradio
    17th Dec 2016
    1:42pm
    Unfortunately some men think they "own' women in a relationship and will do anything to control that person, to the extent of eventually not allowing the woman's friends or family to visit, or be visited, constantly monitoring where the person has gone, or who they have seen, etc.They will often attack the woman for almost no reason, eg dinner too hot, not cooked enough, skirt too short, too much makeup, etc.These are danger signals, and if you know someone like this, or who is in this situation, urge them to seek help. In my experience, men who are violent, or who use emotional violence against women, calling them stupid, dumb, fat, ugly, etc, really do not like women. Also DV is no respecter of postcodes, though it often happens in lower-socioeconomic groups, because of other pressures like money, etc. I know a doctor, well respected, who punched his pregnant wife in the stomach, witnessed by a relative.
    JAID
    17th Dec 2016
    2:39pm
    It may be more likely that the person who is physically violent dislikes themselves rather than women per se.

    Where abuse has been allowed to develop it is an outlet for increasing release of the pressures that may come from underconfidence or self-hate. In every relationship there is give and take but it is necessary that you not accept abuse. The consequences of doing so is greater potential for it.

    Steering clear of the areas which give rise to physical abuse or the necessity for firm obstruction to it are another matter. Some can feel cornered into finding an area where they have a certain superiority and if the willingness to use physical abuse or the greater capabiity to do so is all they see as available then something has broken long before the actual abuse. There is no need to test or provoke violence. This is why debate which includes both physical and emotional violence is usually not useful in defeating this phenomena. Largely, emotional voilence is available to all and probably used to some extent by many parties to violence while physical violence is available only to those who would use it and have the capability of getting some effect with it.
    The wolf
    12th Apr 2017
    3:07pm
    Domestic violence is a two way street and untill we combine both side including the female psychological violence against men into the equation then we are wasting our time discussing it.