Sexting – how far should she go?
Q. Marie
I’ve been lucky enough to meet a very charming man through an online dating site. We’ve had a couple of dates and I feel very comfortable in his company. Because we live some distance apart, we don’t get to see each other as much as I would like and therefore have been unable to develop a more intimate relationship. He has suggested that we sext each other as a way of getting to know what the other likes. I always thought this was something young people do and although I’m not against this idea, I am a little unsure of what’s involved and how far I should go. Do you have any suggestions?
A. Marie, sexting can be fun, exciting and help you develop a relationship with someone to whom you’re attracted. It’s the new phone sex for people who can’t get together regularly. Because you and the new person in your life live a fair distance from each, using texts to keep in touch is an excellent way of communicating. However, if you’re considering taking your texting communication to the next level and engaging in sexting, there are a few things you should think about first.
You need to be sure that you really are comfortable with this form of communication and that you trust the other person to keep your texts for his eyes only. Start by setting some ground rules. I would suggest the following:
- Don’t send photos unless you don’t mind if they fall into someone else’s hands.
- Agree that what you text is not a commitment to carry out the act. It’s easy to get carried away when you’re not face-to-face.
- If the content of the text gets too much, or heads in a direction you’re uncomfortable with, say so.
Texting allows you to carefully formulate your messages and replies rather than just blurting out something on the phone. We’ve all had that experience of responding to someone with a cringe-worthy reply that we would like to retract as soon as it leaves our mouths! With the luxury of time to formulate a reply, we have the opportunity to devise a witty/charming/seductive response! However, this may mean that the person you are texting is not so good at communicating when face-to-face.
It’s also worth keeping in mind that every text message or email we send leaves a technological footprint that can come back to haunt you down the track. A good rule of thumb to judge the appropriateness of your sext is to consider if it is something that you would be comfortable saying out loud. If not you may want to reconsider sending as a text. Also, always check what you have written; the autocorrect feature can cause any number of unfortunate messages. And always check you are sending your sext to the correct person; imagine your mother or child receiving your sext in error!
Just as in the real world, in the technological world it is important to use your manners! Try to reply to the sexts you are sent in a timely manner. If one of your sexts receives no response it may be that your friend is uncomfortable. And as you would expect from your partner, keep your sexts to yourself; don’t show your friends or get them to help you write them.
Sexting is a great way to keep the spark in your relationship and remind your partner that you are always thinking of him. Sex is not just for the young, so never let age get in the way of romance and intimacy. Keep in mind these simple suggestions and just go for it!
IMO you need to know a person for quite a long time b4 you would get into an intimate relationship. I also think that a relationship is between the 2 people.
However I tend to be a bit old fashioned in this sort of thing