How your partner influences your goals
Over the long-term, what one partner in a two-person relationship wishes to avoid, so too does the other partner - and what one wants to achieve, so does the other.
University of Basel researchers said that these effects can be observed regardless of gender, age and length of the relationship, according to their study of more than 450 couples.
The research team wanted to examine the short- and long-term interdependence of approach goals and avoidance goals within couples.
The participants reported whether they had tried to avoid conflicts or share meaningful experiences with their partner that day. This was followed by an analysis of how the information affected the goals of the partner.
The goals of each person were recorded daily over the course of two 14-day measurement periods at an interval of 10 to 12 months; 456 male-female couples took part.
The average age of the participants was just under 34 years old, and the average relationship length was almost 10 years.
The study showed that when one person within a couple avoids distress and conflicts, for example, the other tries to do the same. And conversely, when one person seeks personal growth and meaningful experiences, the other wants to achieve them too.
The team of psychologists, led by first author Professor Jana Nikitin, found significant delayed effects between the partners. These appeared regardless of gender, age or relationship length.
It was notable that the daily goals of one partner - which can change - mainly coincided with the medium- and longer-term goal trends of the other partner.
It therefore takes several days to months for the long-term relationship goals of one partner to have an impact on the goals of the other.
"This could be an adaptive mechanism to maintain the stability of the relationship," says Prof. Nikitin, "by not being influenced by every momentary shift made by the partner."
Are your goals influenced by your partner? What advice would you give to younger married couples about having a successful relationship?
I have to answer this one although I know the resident knocker will put in her farthing's worth, LOL Wait for it!
Certainly my goals are somewhat influenced by my partner...although he would never stand in my way of achieving anything I am interested in. I feel living with someone married or not is a partnership and like all partnerships, consultation is crucial and finding a middle road, a goal in itself.
This is just general feedback, as all relationships are formed on a different footing...what is good for one might be disastrous for another. However, I would "advise" any young couple not to take each other for granted...talk it over...sleep on it...lots of hugs and sometimes even if it is necessary to agree to disagree do it in a healthy way.