Already, my normally sweet, demure wife, Christine, has thrown the ‘f’ word my way more than thrice this morning. What for? Who the f#*& knows?

Do I care? Not a great deal. I’ve heard her swear before. Am I offended? I could be. 

A local from the surrounding community passed by my house at 0700h. She paused on my nature strip with her not so cute labrapoodle. Said dog then proceeded to carp on my well cared for, freshly mowed grass. I watch from the comfort of a foetal position in my womb like duna and contemplated going to the window and yelling obscenities.

Instead, I remained coiled and offended by such irresponsibility and contempt for my lawn.

After the required period of comfort and offendedness I rose to the occasion of the day and breakfast. Muesli, Barocca, double shot espresso and a browse of the news headlines.

A public figure announced more money to be allocated to aged care. What a lie? More offence. I haven’t recovered from the last offence. His very appearance is offensive, in his dark suit, blue tie against yellowing shirt, untapered slacks and brown shoes. How can he look himself in the mirror each day? How can he sleep at night? 

I might write him a letter telling him how I feel. Nah! He’s thick skinned. Not much could offend him.

Pilau seems to be offending a few more Christian. Funny that. How is it that only some people are offended by his reference to hell as the destination for groups or individuals her finds offensive?

I didn’t get included as an offencee for 2 reasons: I’m not a Christian so there is no hell; I’m not gay.

Perhaps if he’d included everyone I might join the bandwagon. There’s nothing more uplifting for a blokes spirit to be offended on behalf of someone else. If he’d used the ‘o’ word I’d be right in there with my best indignation.

I browse through the overnight postings in YourLifeChoices for some light entertainment. 

The Climate Change Deniers are still at it. How offensive is that? How can anyone be that ignorant? I’m offended as a teacher, moreso because I’m a science teacher, even moreso because any of the deniers could have been in my class in the past. Didn’t they pay attention? I told them to. Downright offensive to ignore the words of wisdom from a bloke doing his level best to educate the masses.

Talking of youth. Have you heard the music they palsy these days? There’s even a warning in Apple Music for songs containing explicit language. I’ve listened to them all. Disgusting! 

I seems I can’t put my head above water without being inundated by offensiveness. I can’t call a black man black, a woman miss or missus, an old person old, a drunk drunk. I’m running out of adjectives and pronouns. I can’t swear, spit, fart, burp, scratch my arse, slurp my soup. I can’t go near children’s playgrounds, ladies toilets, strip joints, glossy magazines. I can’t look at pretty girls, pretty boys, nice legs, attractive faces. I can’t look away from fat people, ugly people, dirty people. I can’t ask someone to turn down their music, pick up their dog shit, place rubbish in a bin, get their feet of a theatre seat (mine).

im beginning to be offended by what I am and cannot do according to those who are offended.